Blog - September 26, 2016

This One or That One?

It seems most of my Posts these days are things I see flying on Twitter. Okay , maybe not originally stemming from Twitter, Let’s call them issues that come up in reality and then people of the Virtual world put them in words and put them up via a Platform ; Twitter. I will dedicate a whole post to how awesome a Platform Twitter is and how it can build long lasting and meaningful relationships among people from  different backgrounds and locations. But not today guys, not today. Today, I want to discuss an issue that might seem simple but really isn’t. I did an unorganized poll some days back on Twitter (oops Twitter came up again), asking people who they’d choose between who they love and who loves them and there were conflicting responses. Okay, Here is a scenario. There is a lady called Miss A, she has two men she knows; Mr  B and C. Mr B is amazing, hayy, he does everything to make Miss A feel  like the only woman in the world. He loves her so much and expresses that at every little opportunity he gets, He is not ashamed to show the world how very deep in love he is and how he’d go the extra mile for the woman he loves. Miss A appreciates all the things Mr B does, she thinks he is a wonderful person and deserves the very best. The problem only lies somewhere, she is not in love with him! She has tried everything she can , she has prayed, she has fasted, she has tried to check the innermost part of her soul to discover some sort of affection for him which she could build on, but No, nothing happens Then there is Mr C, who is equally awesome in his ways , and shows Miss A some care. He says he cares about her but does not do anything extraordinary like  Mr B,  He just goes about his things with ease and doesn’t go the extra mile. But you know, this is who Miss A loves. He really does not have to try to do anything. Any or Everything he does is taken with so much happiness and satisfaction by Miss A. She tried to wave the feelings away but no, this is who gives her the butterflies and the tiny little whispers of love. She is absolutely in love with Mr C, with her being! Now, Miss A has to choose. Seeing as she cannot go back and forth or be a cheater. Who does she pick? The one who can go round the world for her and love her to the very end or that one she can do same for? confusion The Scenario above is presented to depict a situation a lot of people find themselves in. This is not gender specific as it happens to both males and females. I am almost sure some of you, my readers , might have gone through this phase or are going through it. What did you do then?What would you do? During a battle of choosing between who you love or who loves you, who would you go for? Let’s talk guys! I’ll be back! BOS   Featured images :  

Comments (45)

  1. Adetunji

    September 26, 2016

    Hmmm This is tough and i actually gone thru this stage.perhaps my experience might and it for me.however what applies or answers one ordeals might not answered the other.As for me,I love the two ladies but can only marry 1 and it got to a stage where I want to see the two characters in one body and marry that person.aside from both being religious,one is extrovert and the other introvert,this confused me from knowing who love me more!!!I the extrovert shows expresses her love,anger etc but the other will rather express hersef when inside,very reserve. I found out that I don’t like offending the introvert one cos im scared i wont get her to come around or to forgive me but the extrovert ahhh!!!i can act anyhow to her and wen offended still find ways to get her around.
    I can’t even remember how I chose one but then if I have to do it again I’ll do the same thing over n over as the saying old wine get sweeter as it age. In a nutshell the heart knows who love it more and better.

    • September 27, 2016

      I wish you could remember how you eventually chose one, so people who are confused could make you their model. lol

      • Adetunji

        September 27, 2016

        lol!! Role Model indeed!!! I choose d introvert one, because of the below reasons;
        1. I found it difficult to offend, hurt her even by mistake.
        2. She knows what she wants, she tell it to you, this how she wants her life and nothing can change it; as in finishing her studies, serving,start working etc before anything. unlike d other who is even ready while in sch cos she doesnt want me to be snatched.
        3. she’s focused, she dont get carried away. etc….sha
        mind you both are very religious

  2. Laptopmechanic

    September 26, 2016

    I have had bad lucks with those I love… Treating those who love with a pinch of salt… I am wise now alhamdulilah… Henceforth I will go for who loves me… But hey Allah is always the best of guide… And istikhara makes things easier … “Who loves me” wins this poll.

    • September 27, 2016

      Yes, Istikhara does work. hmnnn, may we be guided.

  3. September 26, 2016

    Lol.. I know this feeling.. But the truth is, as a woman I think oo.
    I think it’s better to be with the man who loves you more.. A woman is naturally affectionate and all. But when a man loves you.. He does with his soul.
    I don’t even wanna get into this too much.
    I’d go for the guy who loves me more.. Because from experience, loving a guy who doesn’t go extra mile or do the things you want will just drive you nuts because as we have so much expectations from people we love

  4. Bukky

    September 26, 2016

    Great post – I can relate to this. In my opinion, if someone doesn’t try for you it’s really because they don’t want to. I truly believe with everything in me that if someone truly cares for you, they will make sure you are never in doubt about it. There will be no room for ‘maybes’. It’s pretty simple. If they love you.. If they want to be with you, they’ll show it. They won’t leave any room for doubt.

    • September 27, 2016

      Bukola I agree with that. People who love you don’t have to keep you guessing or confused about it, the love would always radiate through.

  5. Yisahu

    September 26, 2016

    From my modest angle,its not about who u love but who loves u sincerely. Its not all the time u g
    et wat u l
    ove. As for me, i will go for dat person that will always showcase me to d whole world instead of forcing myself to love someone dat doesnt love me.

  6. Hafeez

    September 26, 2016

    This is a really tough one, but I think I’d go with the one who gives me butterflies in my tummy, I’d be marrying or dating Mr B out of pity, which is totally bad.

    • September 27, 2016

      Oshay Mr Butterflies! Lmao. Your choice is legit, tbh

  7. Rayo

    September 26, 2016

    Great read and very much realistic. I have had one on one talk with married women on this issue and the one thing they keep echoing is to find someone who loves you more than you do. It will help alot not just now but in future .

  8. Ifeoluwa

    September 26, 2016

    In my own humble opinion, I think I’ll go for a man that loves me. My reasons – if a man loves you he’ll do absolutely anything to please you and he’ll always b in love with you, but from my observation a woman falls in love with you if you do the right thing (don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying its easy), but u might just do one particular thing for a woman and she falls totally in love with you. So I think it’s only reasonable for me to stay with the guy that is madly in love with me, rather than the one I have to always impress, and pray he does something that helps me start realizing how important he is.

  9. September 26, 2016

    Lol I do not have much to contribute .. I had a ‘similar’ experience and Prayers easily solved mine !

  10. Sophia

    September 26, 2016

    I’ve been with someone that loved me more than I loved him and I’ve been with someone I seemed to have loved more than he did me. Neither ended well.

    Truth is, nobody wants to be with someone who doesn’t love them back, been there, I know how much it sucks. If you stick to the person you love, you might not be getting the quantity/quality of love you think you deserve but if you stay with the person that loves you, they’ll be going through the exact same thing, which is unfair to them as well.

    My opinion – Find someone that you both love yourselves equally ( I know, that’s hard to tell or determine) but I believe everyone deserves butterflies so keep searching till you find it.

    • September 27, 2016

      Oshayy Miss experience, I want to drink from your well of wisdom please. lol
      Really, that reciprocated love is the best!

  11. Ahmed

    September 26, 2016

    Hmmmm I have read/heard about scenarios like this. I will still say what I always say. It’s a tough decision. Nobody knows what tomorrow might bring. She might decide to go for Mr B who has been all over her and stuff, and in the end… Well you know the rest and well things might just be like he used to be forever (dope choice.. Whatever the consequences I’m sure she will live with it cos that’s her decision) Or she might decide to stick to Mr C who is just normal all round and in the end become better or even worse (still another dope choice. Cos she will also live with due to the fact that it’s her decision). Moral of my point. Follow your heart. The future is unpredictable and pray to God after making the desired decision.
    NB: its goes for both males and females. Not just females alone.

    • September 27, 2016

      Follow your heart, hmnn. That inclines towards Mr c more, I think.

  12. Me

    September 26, 2016

    Yet another bebeautiful write up. My opinion? Including and excluding spiritual intervention (prayers and supplications) I’ll think it is easier to influence your own emotional attachmattachment for another person than to control another person’s for you. I’ll think this love/relationship thing is a risk, but I’ll rather risk settling for the one who loves me that I don’t yet love (I can bring myself to love him later) than to settle for the one whom I love but doesn’t love me. What if he never ever loves me?

    • September 27, 2016

      That’s a tough question to answer. What if they never love us? Hmnnn

  13. Busari Omobolaji

    September 26, 2016

    I fink its beta to stay with someone dat makes u a priority than continue to impress that person dat can’t make u feel beta dan just an option.

  14. M.

    September 26, 2016

    Personally, I’d say be with who makes you happy. It’s not necessarily going with the cliché of being with who shows you off and does everything to show the ‘world’ he’s in love with you. Remember, not all that glitters is gold. Don’t be with someone out of pity cos you feel compelled to like or love them for what they do for you. Be with who makes you genuinely happy as long as he’s happy being with you and doesn’t mistreat you. More than often it’s the little things that count. But if the girl is someone who likes the show off then go ahead and be with the first guy, but lol, it never always ends well. You can’t pray and fast to “fall in love”. You’ll enjoy the show off and worldly treats for a while and then it’ll naturally decline when you start to long for something more real. It’s natural, when you know you know. If being with Mr B isn’t toxic or harming you in any way, please be with who makes you happy and makes you a better person. Or better still wish to be with someone who’ll love you as much as you love him. And that’s always the best kinds, imo ❤️️

    • September 27, 2016

      That reciprocated love just beats every other kind of love. Really!

  15. September 26, 2016

    hmmmm!! this one is a ghen ghen!!! i’m actually reading this with my kid sis and she said she would go for Mr C because that is the person she loves but i said that is child’s play to me. for the fact that you love him right now, she will over look some of his attitude that you are not cool with just because of the love. would you be able to keep up with that for life? in reality its better to go for someone that loves you like mad, pamper you and make you feel like a queen than someone who doesn’t do much. well we all know love is important, hell yes!! but at a point common sense and human feelings will come in, when you will want him to do more,than the fight starts. in all ,we ask for guidance from ALLAH SWT. may HE guide us all and give us the perfect husband.

    • September 27, 2016

      Your sister has a point, you do too. every decision comes with its perks and as you said, may Allah guide us all

  16. September 26, 2016

    Mmmmm…. if whoever one loves as a lady loves one back equally, it is a rare wind of grace The Maker has faced one’s way. Apparently whoever loves us more than we do love him might not just hit it right.
    Those who we love, once they are aware we begin to battle with boosted ego!
    I’ll stick with a try of that which loves one most…..we can brew happiness together with genuine feelings.
    Whoever it is that one loves most will seem the one to always impress and a lot is lost that way.


    • September 27, 2016

      Whoever one loves most will seem the one to always impress. hmnn. And that really is a huge task. Sigh

  17. Abbas

    September 26, 2016

    Easy decision for me. I go for who loves me. Thoughtful piece nonetheless.

  18. Fateemah

    September 26, 2016

    The one who loves me is the safest bet.. The worst thing ever is loving someone who doesn’t love you back as much.. I’d learn to love the one who loves me for the sole reason that HE LOVES ME.. And it’d be amazing.. So yea 😉 Amazing write up though.. Very vivid illustration.. I bet u we’ve all been there 😂

  19. Uzumaki Naruto

    September 27, 2016

    We’re who we are. This reminds me of the Qur’an verse “And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.” (AI-Baqarah, 2:216). I put my trust in God I’ll mk d right decision.

  20. September 27, 2016

    I think this is the wickedest trick ever. I still thought about the answer to this piece this evening before I even got here and you know what answer my heart gave me? It broke when I asked if it wasn’t wisdom to go with the one with the most love.

    I don’t love two people. I love just one. I only just have one who would bend over backwards to see me comfortable and happy. They’re not the same people. And I found myself wondering how round and funny life is. The cycle is just never ending with actions and reactions never changing.

    Sometimes, I wish for a script so I can see and know how it ends but other times, I’m willing to work the puzzle. But it seems I’m not as brilliant as I’m needed to be. I don’t have a solution or to be much more honest, I don’t want a solution that denies my heart the joy of loving my love.

    However, I’m sure it won’t be for forever. I’m sure love will win but whose own is what I’m not privileged to know. I know many have faux ideas about how this is supposed to work but I won’t claim to be that absolute, only God is. I tell myself this, “Olubunmi, keep on loving the way you do, you’re learning how to do it best and one day, when it’s finally settled you’ll be perfect for the one who’s right”.

    I’m still working on it and everyday, to be truthful, something changes. Everyday, a little unrequited love dies both ways but I also never fail to pray for this; wisdom to make the right and best choice.

    • Twinkle

      September 27, 2016

      As long as the person I love loves me back and tries their own best to be good to me which might not even close to Mr B’s affection,I’m good.
      Sometimes people are so good to you because they don’t have you/completely have you,as soon as they no sense competition,the tide changes.
      Mr C might be someone you have completely seen and known so well,while Mr B is not known so well(who knows what he’s hiding,that’s making him seem so angelic),I’m not saying some people are not genuinely or naturally nice.
      When the one you love messes up,it’s easier to put up with it,yeah you love him and well he’s all you’ve ever wanted,when Mr B does the same,you will so irritated like “someone I decided to manage”,though it might not be intentional,but you might keep acting like you’re doing him a favour by being with him.
      See,supernatural love conquers,may the best kind of love for us always win and may we have no cause for regret or “A thy know😂”.

      • September 27, 2016

        Like you’ve said Twinkle, may God help us make the right choice.

  21. September 27, 2016

    Hmmmm. Both situations are terrible . I have been in both and couldn’t cope. I frustrated the one I didn’t love at all and the other one almost gave me hypertension. I think it is better if feelings are shared equally but as that is farfetched, maybe if the guy’s love is a bit stronger than mine, it’s cool. What I mean is this: I love him but he loves me even more! I hope this is achievable?

    • Adetunji

      September 28, 2016

      lol!! this sounds funny but true but then its from ladies angle but from guys, we prefer you love us more than we do, that way we will be sure our home is safe when we aint around.

  22. ENIOLA

    September 28, 2016

    Sure going with the one who loves me.

  23. adeniyi

    September 28, 2016

    This is me in a very tight corner.

    Honestly, Its a basic thing happening in life. For me, I just find the bad (coverface) of that person who loves me so deep and use as a big excuse. Cos they say love gotta be reciprocal.

    You loving me is not the issue, me loving you back is hard and loving you equally is the hardest.

  24. Tosin

    September 29, 2016

    The best choice is to settle for the one Wu loves u more, we ladies Ve gt flexible hearts and There is probability that u later fall in love with the one Wu loves u more.. Dnt ever think u can Change a man or make him love u more with tym, a man Wu will love u will love u without reasons or conditions , if u marrying sm1 Wu doesn’t really love u as much as u do, u will always live ur life to impress him n too careful in everyfn u do, it’s not worth it!. I won’t advise any geh to settle for a guy Wu doesn’t love her as much as she does, dnt ever mk dt mistake if u want a happy home or relationship.. The joy of relationship / marriage is to Ve peace of mind with so much love.

    • October 4, 2016

      hmnn that’s very thought provoking. Peace of mind is important, really.

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