Blog - September 18, 2014

My fault or not

It is neither by my might or grace, the lord almighty sent me a guy so amazing I saw him and knew he was the one for me. My pastor saw us and said I had met my rib. No going back The gifts came in bundles. The care and attention were unrivaled. I was bathing in the euphoria of being loved. He liked us being together all the time. He never wanted me out of his sight. Oh this love! My man showed up at the oddest times. When I least expected. With wonderful suprises. Who could do it better? All the girls were jealous of me? They couldn’t hide their anger. Oh lordy lord! I’d be grateful to you now and always. Thanks for sending this packaged gift in the form of a handsome man my way. We did everything together, we rubbed minds and bodies. Nothing was left behind in our amazing journey towards being together forever. This dream’d better not end! The first time he slapped me, it was due to my own carelessness and nosy attitude. Why was I trying to snoop through his phone? He apologised and took me out to dinner. It was one of the most wonderful nights ever. Followed by a passionate bout of love making you don’t wanna know about. The love between my man and I couldn’t be surpassed by any other. The slaps and random spanks came more frequently. But I caused them, I deserved them. We got engaged and were married before I knew it. I left my job at my husband’s command. After all, he could pay me twice the amount the job offered. The night he got drunk, I accused him of being irresponsible and he beat me with his belt so much that there was blood everywhere. I was so sorry, my husband only got drunk because he was stressed, why did I provoke him to anger? By midnight, he was apologising and giving me promises of the world. What an amazing lover! Apologising for my own wrong doings? I’m wowed. The woman next door came around someday to tell me she hears my screams and yells and I shld report to the nearest police station. I ushered her out. She was only jealous. Her man wasn’t half what my man was. Pregnancies came and went like lightening. The regular beatings my husband gave me wouldn’t let them stay. Not his fault still, why was I being less of a woman by not holding a pregnancy still. It is seven years now, there has been a baby, a cute baby. Just as adorable as my man. It was fine. Until he ran her over with his car on the day he rushed home to confront me with accusations of infidelity because I wasn’t picking up my phone. The baby is gone, buried without anyone knowing the true story. I couldn’t afford to be blamed because truly I was guilty. Why would I not pick my husband’s call when he needed to talk to me? Ah! My husband’s constant beatings stopped for a while and then resumed on the day he saw my car at the hospital without me giving him prior notice I was going there. Hubby, i’m sorry, I wasn’t feeling too well, I should have called u earlier so I deserve this punishment. Sometimes, a voice whispers that I shld leave but I can’t, where would I go to? Who would be as wonderful as this man? After all, my pastor said he is the one. Be gone to hell, you terrible voice of doom! The doctor says there is a problem with me. A terminal disease coupled with depression. I can’t tell anyone, not my loving husband. What right did I have to have a disease and want to leave him in the world? So here I am, being the loving wife, accepting my husband’s punishment constantly and praying I don’t leave him soon. I love my husband. He is the best. He treats me well and doesn’t joke with me. The punishments are just a means of righting my wrongs and I deserve them. Don’t I?…..   The above writeup is basically to express what so many women go through in their matrimonial homes and even before marriage. I saw a movie sometime back titled ‘unforgivable’ and I couldn’t stop myself from weeping. Also, a woman at my mum’s workplace got killed by her husband after she had been going through series of beatings and ignored people’s advise to leave. When did domestic violence get this bad? Women die everyday from constant pounding by their husbands and most are too scared too leave. What do you think about domestic violence? Have u had any experience of it? What is the major cause of this violence? Does anyone deserve to be beaten by his/her spouse? What could be done to stop this? Let’s discuss… BOS    

Comments (22)

  1. kween

    September 19, 2014

    Some want to leave but are scared of being a “single mom” or of what the society will say “she left her husbands house”.
    Good write up and honestly, this hits home

  2. September 19, 2014

    The role society plays in women relegation can not be overemphasized and as a matter of fact it’s beyond comprehension for me now. I can imagine most married women or ladies in relationships that stay despite all the violence. Just because of the stupid tag of what will society say?! They say na from clap e dey enter dance. He slap you one, you gentle, wait make he kill you! Not just one form of abuse o, verbal, physical, emotional and the likes!

  3. September 19, 2014

    Bad very bad, 1st time he slapped me and my phone got condemed in d process,make up sex ended it, 2nd tym was in presence of his frnd, locked me up in d toilet loool. 3rd time a hot resounding slap because i confronted a chic that was getting fresh with him. That did it for me. #No future here

  4. mueyna

    September 19, 2014

    Beautiful write up. Can’t be any less real. And what these women need is a voice cos honestly, majority are scared of speaking up and hence the beatings will continue. Say no to women beaters!

  5. Atunjel

    September 19, 2014

    Ladies that goes through this have low self esteem and they don’t know it… It’s pathetic.

  6. September 19, 2014

    Beautiful write up!

  7. September 19, 2014

    Beautiful piece. Love it!

  8. September 20, 2014

    I kinda agree that most of such women feel they don’t deserve better. Girl, a better guy is out there. Just find him. Though you must be complete yourself. The man should complement you. By the way, the woman that got killed at your mom’s office, UCH, was my aunt… Pathetic story. The guy had to commit suicide too… RIP to them both.

  9. moyosore

    September 20, 2014

    beautiful write up. Omotolanie am impressed . most woman that go through this are so scared of being a single mother and of course we are in an African country where single moms are treated with less respect . its so pathetic we ladies need to say no to human beaters

  10. September 20, 2014

    It’s just complicated. The woman knew “battery” was just very wrong, and she prolly would have left if the man’s love wasn’t there, but on the other hand, she took every blame on herself (low self esteem I must agree), and believed the man was only trying to right her wrongs.
    It’s her fault, yes, she could have left, or stopped/scolded him the first day he slapped her; “battery ain’t just the next thing even if I was wrong”, but again, it ain’t her fault, she prolly had no where else to go, or, she felt she wouldn’t meet any man such wonderful and “lovely”, or just didn’t want to be one of the single moms out there, besides, she left her job already, coping would have been hard!! ..ooops, BTW, she’s sort of childless, why then call her a “mom”?! This even makes it more complicated…she’s prolly in her late 30’s or thereabout…she had/has no frigging choice!!
    Say no to woman beaters. Any responsible man wouldn’t even think of beating up a woman anyways..

    Nice write-up dear. Keep it up!

  11. Missy

    September 20, 2014

    These is sad. And funny enough it’s happening all around us. “DOMESTIC VIOLENCE” its not only physical abuse tho that is the worse kind but there are a lot of ways a woman is being abused dis dayz. Just because ur married doesnt mean he own you because he doesn’t. Dont be these person that lost her voice and everything else because of a man’s name. Don’t be ashame to say he hurts you.

  12. September 20, 2014

    Very real and impressive piece dearie. Most ladies see the signs before they get married, but because all they want to be in life is a ‘Mrs.’, they’ll ignore and blame it on themselves. It’s better to be alone that to be a man’s punching bag. It may be confusing cuz such men are also obsessed lovers, but my dear sisters, pls run for your lives! And one more thing…..we need to be extremely careful with the level of trust we place in our pastors or other spiritual leaders. They don’t know everything, some of them only see the shortlived sweet moments. Watch and pray…..God knows why you have to watch first before praying. Let’s not make it the other way round.

  13. fatimah

    September 20, 2014

    This is very good… problem is when ypur pastor and alfa tells you oh thia man is good for you and yet he is the opposite of what they say…..all because they say a man is good for you doesn’t mean you have to take everything that comes with it….God forgive me, with this same problem you already have a temporary disease and yet u still want to stay……u want to kill yourself before your own death abi……itsa very serious issue but we all have tp take our time to think about it…..Would u rather stay , enjoy the pain in disguise nd follow what ur pastor says or you would leave, fight through the struggle and pray For God to make you happy?

  14. fatimah

    September 20, 2014

    Pray to God to mke you happy*…… breaks my heart

  15. September 20, 2014

    Like I always say, you can give another chance to someone who cheats on you, but if a man strikes you once, no matter how small the reason, leave him, he will always find another reason to. This is a lesson to all the ladies out there, sometimes love is just not enough reason to stick with a violent man.

  16. September 21, 2014

    U left a huge thot to crunch on……..

  17. September 21, 2014

    Thanks for the comments ya all. This issue is a really complicated one. I guess it could get less complicated if the society could cut women some slack. A woman doesn’t have to go through it all in the name of being a virtuous wife. Dear ladies, don’t get yourself killed before running, Run after the first strike or when he starts showing vioolent signals!

  18. Olatoun

    September 21, 2014

    Sometimes the fear of having to start all over makes it difficult for some women to leave their abusive partners. Sometimes the abuse is even emotional and not physical. May Allah grant we women the strength to be able to resist and walk away from every manner of injustice .

  19. Latoun

    September 21, 2014

    Sometimes the fear of starting over makes it difficult for some women to leave their abusive partners. The abuse even transcends beyond the physical. There’s also the emotional aspect that leads some women to the mental ward. May Allah grant women the strength to resist and and walk away from every manner of injustice.

  20. September 23, 2014

    She lives in a miserable world of not knowing when to change the storyline. She is going to kill herself in the euphoria of love and what the pastor told her before the reality dawn upon her.

  21. Alesh

    October 3, 2014

    Devastating. May God guide us all (Ameen).

  22. December 10, 2014

    This is something, i personally can never tolorate from any guy nomatter the circumstance. The day that my fiance will raise his hand to try slap me, the relationshp wil end at that moment. In my own opinion, any woman tolorating such stil need some exposure. Nice write up sis..more grace to your elbow ma

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