Blog - October 18, 2014

Making the Hard Decision

Hello People! I’m here again. I finally got a reason for my inconsistent posts. It’s due to the fact that I don’t always want to bore you with all the drama that go on in this big head of mine to avoid confusion. I also try hard not to do ‘cliche’ topics and hence I search all around the world for accurate or almost accurate topics to be discussed. Errrm, those reasons are just a cover up for my laziness. I’m sorry.
To the matter at hand, sometime ago, a friend called me and amidst tears told me how horrible she was feeling and how she did not know if she could survive much longer. I was really scared and I asked her what the unpleasant issue was. She then went further to explain to me how she had been dating a certain guy for three years only for her to find out recently that they were both of the ‘AS’ genotype.
I asked her why she ddnt find out earlier and she told me her mum always told her she was ‘AA’ and she told this guy before they started the relationship because he was keen on knowing about it since he knew his own and he couldn’t afford to engage in any risk. So, three years down the line, my friend and her bf were planning to get legal and they had to run many tests in lieu of their intended solemnization. It was at this point they found out the female isn’t ‘AA’ as she thought.
We don’t know if the fault is with her parents or whoever told her parents she was what she isn’t. I was very very sad for this friend of mine because I could barely wrap my mind around such a situation. I hear of many issues like this but it never really dawned on me, it took happening to a close friend to decipher how terrible this constant issue is. My friend was in tears and i could barely contain mine. She kept lamenting and chastising herself for not being doubly sure. But who would blame her? She believed what she was made to believe and that shouldn’t be her fault in any way, should it?
I’ve been hearing instances of people finding out too late about their incompatibilities with their spouses of many years and this saddens my soul. I sometimes say a silent prayer for God to make there be a permanent solution for issues like this and I don’t even know how realistic it could be. One can’t ignore this huge ‘hold back’ and decide to go ahead with a marriage to someone whose genotype isn’t compatible with ones and risk great chances of having a sour marriage because of unhealthy kids who might later in the future regret ever coming to the world. (I’m sorry if that sounded too deep’).
My take on this whole thing is that we should all please visit a reliable hospital around and be very sure of our genotypes before embarking on certain life changing issues. Yes, I know our parents have told us this is what we are and some of us might even have the proof but still, let’s find our ourselves and not risk going through something we could have avoided. I have lost friends who suffered from the sickle cell situation and even before their death, it was far from pleasant with their health. This is very sad, considering the fact that it could have been avoided.
Yes, I know this is the part where someone would say God would do it and perfect all things. Yes, I know how spiritual and religious we can get when it comes to everything we deal with and I would never commit no blasphemy by saying it is impossible. I just think God would rather lead you to where you would find out what to do and what not to do, why not stick more to that? I don’t know, but it’s just sad when you hear constant issues of couples going through hell because of their unhealthy children. You wouldn’t understand if you haven’t gone through it.
The post is getting too long today right? Oops i’m sorry. In conclusion, my candid advice to you is to find out what your genotype is and pls don’t go into anything without being sure of the other person’s own. When you find out you can’t be compatible with the awesome guy you’ve always dreamt of marrying, please let it go no matter how hard it seems, You would be glad you did. Don’t be part of those who say: Love conquers all’. No my dear, not in this instance. Don’t find out in the hard way that love is never enough. Don’t be a reason for your future child’s agony, There are many issues to contend with in a marriage already. Don’t allow the avoidable ones.
I know it’s hard. I’m sorry. I’m very sorry. Please do the right thing. I’ll be back. BOS

Comments (15)

  1. October 19, 2014

    Insightful!! As much as I know truly this happens, I still had never thought of putting it into consideration when it comes to choosing a “partner”…maybe because I think I'm AA though, and any lady with any genotype would match…now I think i'll have to go re-affirm. Thanks all the same. Nice one! Cheers.

  2. October 19, 2014

    A lot of people overlook issues like this (surprisingly, some educated people are guilty too). They see no reason to check out their genotype compatibility before marriage. A lot of people are so in love these days that they risk just anything. So many innocent people have had their lives cut short as a result of the ignorance their parents had before their conception. A lot of people live with sickle cell anemia ; intelligent people who really shouldn't be in that situation, people with dreams, people who could make the world a better place, if only they would be alive for so long, but no thanks to their very sad situation. So many people made mistakes in the past – mistakes they still live with everyday. A sickle cell patient isn't the only one in pain, their family go through so much pain too. Life is not fun for parents who have to nurse a sick child all their lives. Ignorantly a lot of couples did this in the past, which isn't even forgivable, but the fact that they were so blind to see is somewhat acceptable. I'll blame it on the fact that there wasn't so much awareness in the past like there is now in our generation. The world is so civilized now that I really would blame anyone who blindly walks down the aile without knowing the genotype of their partner to be. A trip to the hospital for confirmation before marriage is the best preventive step to avoid having to take several trips to the hospital for the rest of one's life with a sick child (who is obviously the product of ignorance). Yeah, I call Sickle cell patients “products of ignorance.” I know how it feels having to breakup with someone after finding out about the genotype incompatibility. It would hurt, but in the end it will be worth it. The pride of every parent is to watch their children grow strong and healthy. More awareness should be created, both in the rural and urban areas. I hope like Omotolani, more awareness will be made by other bloggers too on very serious issues like this. Most bloggers focus on fashion and so many other not-too-relevant topics. Let's create more awareness! Let's save lives! Say No to Sickle cell anemia!

  3. October 19, 2014

    Thank you Mr Jay! Yes yes, You should. One can't be too sure

  4. October 19, 2014

    Thank you Mr Jay! Yes yes, You should. One can't be too sure

  5. October 19, 2014

    Wow Aisha, that's a very long comment with indescribable quality I wish people would be less ignorant and not just be educated on paper. Thanks for dropping by hun

  6. October 20, 2014

    I totally agree with you….i have a friend who also left a relationship cos she found out her man was AS like her…..It's just common sense irrespective of whatever love is felt. I know families with sickle cell children and they are not happy families because they live in and out of hospitals…..always too cautious of what that child eats or drinks so he/she don't fall sick…..people should learn to do the right thing so we don't end up bringing a child into the world just to come suffer and also bring pain to the family…….

  7. October 20, 2014

    Thank you Dan. I really hope peeps would be more enlightened

  8. October 20, 2014

    Thank you Dan. I really hope peeps would be more enlightened

  9. October 23, 2014

    Beautiful writeup

  10. October 23, 2014

    Mmm….this deep one took me back to class and i can tell from within my huge clinical physiology textbook the hell at stake wth Genotype and blood group incompartibility. Its so not wrong to know ur partner's genotype regardless of ur relationship stand. It is only absurdly considered extreme on enquiry. Ki olorun shaanu wa!

  11. Sa'eedah

    October 23, 2014

    Testing! Testing!! Testing!!!

  12. October 23, 2014

    Good topic to touch. Let's educate ourselves. Yes, God heals all, but first, we must help yourself.

  13. October 23, 2014

    Ourselves* error

  14. moyosore

    October 24, 2014

    Omotolaniee beautiful write up. Yes need to educate ourselves and there is nothing wrong in knowing your patner's genotype. Its not just about love compatibility matters. Av seen countless sickle cell patient and honestly the pain and what they go thru is so much . The best we can go is not to bring children that would go thru much suffering and to achieve that knowing one's genotype is extremely important.

  15. October 24, 2014

    i was trying to read the comments before adding mine but then my impatient wouldnt lemme finish reading perhaps after this comment i will….. Well it's a good post i will like to comment based on true life story i know, firstly i think while in higher institution it's part of the requirement you do during your registration, i am sure you dont need your parents to tell you this at that stage except if it change, and will pose this question to the expert in this field if genotype/blood group do change and what can change them. luckily and fortunately for me i ddnt know my spouse's genotype when we got married, we never discuss it, i get to know about hers during our daughter's birth she is AA,O+ and i'm AA,A+ and 'Doyin our daughter is AA,O+ aint we lucky. however i have a bosom friend who has been in different heart breaks n all and when she eventually found a serious guy to settle with they are both AS, infact the lady is a nurse, despite my advice and even her parent's word against this, she still go ahead and take the risk and agree with the hubby that during the pregnancy phase, they'll do the test for the foetus and confirm before it's birth. As God will have it their first issue is AA, very rare one at that but then they agree not to have any issue again to forestall AS or even SS.sorry for the long story or something but then anything can happen. what works for Taiwo might not work for Kehinde so i buttress the bloggers view, to forestall future problems.

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