Blog - April 19, 2017

Here are the easy steps to Letting go…

I’m sorry I misguided you, there are no easy steps or guidelines or procedures, to letting go of something or someone you have grown an attachment to. You can read up a zillion books, or attend a million classes, but just like most other natural occurrences/unpleasant happenings in life, there is no manual to it. No manual at all. Someone reached out to me recently and said she would love to read about a particular topic on my blog, I asked her what and she said : Letting Go. I did not ask her why, or how she wants me to go about it. I did not ask her what perspective I should give it or if there are specific things she wants to know. I just told her okay, I’ll get right to it. I made up my mind to address the topic and as is my usual style, be practical and realistic about it. No glorification of theories or quotes as to how this can be managed, no speech or statement to make anyone feel like I’m an authority on this, No. Rather, I’d talk like you and I, everyday people, who have at one time or the other, had to let go! It can be hard fam , really hard. You are human, so this automatically qualifies you to getting attached to people or places or things. Let’s look at this:  You live in an environment which gives you the most beautiful memories, the grasses around the environment are lush, the animals wave at you as you walk by, the children smile at you because they love you, and everything about you. There are elderly ones who pray for you and send best wishes your way, this neighborhood of yours is beautifully located, not very far from town and at the same time strategically placed with enough peace and quiet. You have grown into this neighborhood and it has grown into you, you have watered the grasses, you have mowed the lawn, you have swept the streets, you have helped to fix the street lights and you have contributed immensely to its overall growth, You love the environment and would never trade it for anything, it is like your own baby, your own amazing project which gives you joy and you’d want to live in it forever. Things are fine, the neighborhood is beautiful, Life is good. Then the government comes…. Something about it being an illegally owned neighborhood, some talk about the real owners wanting it back, lots of back and forths and disapprovals and disagreements but at the end of it all, the truth lies in your face, you have to leave, you have to get away before you are arrested for illegal occupancy, You have to salvage your things fast and be scarce from there. The grasses would weep and the street lights would bulge in disapproval, the animals would be sad, everything will change, totally,  but there is little you can do, you have to let it all go. Now, where do you go? Do you go to build with another set of people and create another beautiful neighborhood? Or you just find an already built place, and settle in? Are you willing to go through the strenuous process of embarking on a new process of building? Or you’d rather just look out for a place which has all these things put in place  and hop in? Do you want to roam different neighborhoods and see if you can be a fit somehow? where does more fulfillment lie in for you? You have not stopped thinking of the previous Neighborhood, how could you even do this when all the major roads in town go through its side. It has been re structured now, there are newly added things and some have been removed, you peek at it, albeit without intent, when you go through the roads. It reaches out for you and you long to drive all in and have a good look, maybe even beg the authorities to allow you to stay for a while, but No, it is not possible and you know you would be chased away.  You also realize that it is not exactly reaching out for you, It seems to be doing fine without you and the idea of it reaching out is just a result of your own imagination. You accept, grudgingly. Let this sink in, does it look like something you have gone through? or something you are going through? Of course, in different contexts. Does the above analogy sound familiar? Please share with us and tell us how you managed or will manage it. I am trying to avoid lengthy posts so I’d do a sequel to this post,I promise, with more practical inferences. I’ll be back. BOS  

Comments (18)

  1. Adepeju

    April 19, 2017

    Word!!! 100%

  2. Md

    April 19, 2017

    I’m going through this. And it’s bad because I have to see the person on social media every other day. it’s really tough.

  3. Abdulhameed

    April 19, 2017

    Av gone tru ds {place n person} place: u jst av to accept the new place, try to adapt gradually although we differ in that. PERSON: it really hurts, I still avnt gotten over d person completely , bt wat I did was to make new frnds and engage myself often in different tins, I get over it little by little.

    • April 20, 2017

      I don’t think one ever really gets over it but the peace is in knowing that every occurrence is for the best

  4. Toyin

    April 19, 2017

    When it’s time to let go that’s when the torture starts. I cry unconsolably, if you saw me you’d think someone died. I grief, I become withdrawn, my depression hits me in full force. My brain confirms I’m alone in the world, afterall what good am I?
    My heart aches not figuratively, at this point I turn to Google and look for how to get out of the torture of letting go, what has worked for people.
    But really nothing works and everything works, it depends on me!
    I stop the train of negative thoughts, and start to tell myself its not the end, it’s for the best, there is light at the end of the tunnel and help is on the way(tidal wave by owl city)…..i continue to tell myself these for as long as I can, I write positive words and stick them where I can see them easily, till the torture of letting go fades into the background.
    Plus I’m a music person, at this time my playlist is on repeat, my stereo is blasting while I’m eating, bathing, even when I’m sleeping.
    At a point in the midnight I wake up to switch it off..other days it just goes off itself.
    To anyone going through a rough patch or the other, please be strong! No matter what happens, someone, somewhere cares….I know Omotolani cares, I care.

    • April 20, 2017

      Wow! Mehn This stuff is really deep and I pray everyone gets the peace they seek

      • Toyin

        April 20, 2017


  5. April 19, 2017

    Letting go is really one of the hardest thing in life especially if it’s someone and you are used to them.

    For some it could take months, years or forever but trust me it will happen…maybe not completely but it definitely does happen.

    • April 20, 2017

      Oh yes it does happen. Thanks for stopping by Debs


    April 19, 2017

    Brilliant write up as usual.
    All too relatable…

  7. April 20, 2017

    Deep….. Can’t say I’ve gone through this phase 100%. But have faced so my disappointment like the one I’m going through right now. Can’t even sleep. Thinking of what next every minute.

    How do I bounce back or let go?
    After soaking it all in, I will tell myself there is a reason Allah made this happened. It’s all for good, trust HIM and let go of all the saddest to give room for the happiness HE has chosen for you. he knows best.

    • April 20, 2017

      Oh yes Allah knows best. How are you darling? Been a while

  8. Flower

    April 20, 2017

    Thank you for writing, Tolani! This is honestly so relatable as I am going through same now, although, it honestly gets better by the day. I read about the no contact rule online and to a large extent it is really effective! The Quranic verse ‘whatever is meant god you will definitely reach you……’ Is even more soothing! Cheers to finding peace and happiness again from within! At the end, we will all be alright!

    • April 20, 2017

      Oh yes.Do not cry over that which has passed, for Allah is the best of planners.

  9. Adedayo

    April 22, 2017

    In bad times leave for yourself in good times leave for yourself…after all nothing is worth d stress…Just go out and make money…Life is too sweet to be depressed. ..

  10. Yetunde

    May 8, 2017

    Nice piece

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