Confidence

Confidence

I have been in a situation where I was with a group of people in the same space and for the many days we spent together, I allowed myself to be bullied and talked down on. I’d cry at every thing and they’d leverage on this and speak unpleasantly to me. They made me feel so little and beneath that I began to think that I really wasn’t all that.15 years later, and I’m not that timid girl anymore. I’m still a work in progress, but I can boldly say that my confidence has been built, and it was built from scratch. I just gave  a background through the story about a time of my life when I had very little to no confidence to make us understand that confidence can be built. Mostly, it is built. It isn’t something you are born  with It isn’t  a question of how pretty you are. There are Pretty people with very low self esteem and no confidence. Not about wealth either, you could be rich and still very timidIf you have seen the Griot on Netflix, , you’d agree with me that confidence is everything, and it can be very well built. Case in point: Lateef Adedimeji who was very talented but couldn’t showcase it to the world because he lacked confidence, which then made it easy for his friend to claim his talent as his. You should watch it, if you haven’t.

I did a little research, and was able to find ways to improve your confidence , which I totally resonate with I’ll write these ways now, and they are from the NHS website 1 “Recognize what you’re good at . We’re all good at something, whether it’s cooking, singing, doing puzzles or being a friend. We also tend to enjoy doing the things we’re good at, which can help boost your mood.” You’d find yourself being confident at this particular thing and whenever you need to be public about it, it comes more easy 2. “Build positive relationships. If you find certain people tend to bring you down, try to spend less time with them, or tell them how you feel about their words or actions. Try to build relationships with people who are positive and who appreciate you.” This one is like they took it directly off my head! Please stay away from passively aggressive people. They’d always try to crumble any kind of confidence  you may have built 3. “Be kind to yourself. Being kind to yourself means being gentle to yourself at times when you feel like being self-critical. Think what you’d say to a friend in a similar situation. We often give far better advice to others than we do to ourselves” Please please don’t always talk yourself down or think low of yourself. You are okay. You are doing fine. There is nothing wrong with you 4. “Learn to be assertive. Being assertive is about respecting other people’s opinions and needs, and expecting the same from them. One trick is to look at other people who act assertively and copy what they do. It’s not about pretending you’re someone you’re not. It’s picking up hints and tips from people you admire and letting the real you come out.” This one is so key! You need to pass your needs across and make people respect your boundaries. This can be achieved if you also do same to others. Don’t let anyone run you over, please. 5. “Start saying “no” People with low self-esteem often feel they have to say yes to other people, even when they do not really want to. The risk is that you become overburdened, resentful, angry and depressed. For the most part, saying no does not upset relationships. It can be helpful to keep saying no, but in different ways, until they get the message” Being nice is okay, but learn to say no please. It doesn’t make you a bad person 6. “Give yourself a challenge. We all feel nervous or afraid to do things at times. But people with healthy self-esteem do not let these feelings stop them trying new things or taking on challenges. Set yourself a goal, such as joining an exercise class or going to a social occasion. Achieving your goals will help to increase your confidence”. Please do it afraid. What is the worse that could happen? Do it! It gets better every day and before you know it, you’ve stepped out of timidity. I did a tweet some days back , and it summarizes how I feel about this topic.

We live  in a world where if we aren’t careful and intentional, we’d get eaten up by the glamour and easy life that others seem to be living around us. It is important to build confidence, and it comes hand in hand with contentment. They support each other .

How confident are you? What steps have you taken to maintain your confidence? Does confidence come to you easily or you’ve had to build it?

I’ll be back. OBA

Music and Dance

One of my best songs is this uplifting and recharging song  by Lee Ann Womack. It is titled : “‘I hope you dance” and the people around me are already familiar with it as I always recommend it to them  when they need a pick me up. The words are so deep and heavy; heavy with meaning and beautiful promises. You already know that’s the kind of thing I vibe with. When one is down or not in a very good place, the least one should need is a song with heartbreaking and depressing lyrics, it only makes you wallow so much in sadness and makes everything even more gloomy. Music isn’t for down moments alone, it is also for when we are happy and want to rejoice. There are different genres of music that people listen to and some are based on preference. For someone like me, I don’t exactly have a preference, I just vibe to whatever does it for me and I appreciate good lyrics. However, it isn’t everytime that the lyrics have to jig, sometimes you just want to shake your body and feel very good and the lyrics would not be as important as the beat and rythm at that time. Imagine Kizz Daniel’s Buga for instance, the beats are really nice and even though the lyrics tried too, I think the entire rythm is what makes it have a lot of fans.

Music are Dance come together and this is why I placed them side by side. It’s hardly possible to dance without music, and I know very well that dancing is a great booster of happiness. Have you seen anyone dancing without a smile on their face? Then it is probably a ritual. LOL.  Dance is quite therapeutic, and it is even more exciting that it is a form of excercise too. Imagine dancing to be happy and still keeping fit while at it. Isn’t that a win win? I like to shake my body when the gbedu enters o, this life is one please. We just have to stay deliberate in living in the moment and revelling in the most random situations, while seeing the happiness potential in them. ‘Dance away your sorrow’ is a popular statement, and I couldn’t agree more with it. I culled the Lyrics of ther song I mentioned in  the first paragraph and pasted it below: Please search for the song and play while reading the lyrics, if you don’t know it already. I promise that you’d love it.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance… I hope you dance…

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance,
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances, but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake, but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some Hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance… I hope you dance.
I hope you dance… I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
And wonder where those years have gone.)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

Dance… I hope you dance.
I hope you dance… I hope you dance.
I hope you dance… I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
And wonder where those years have gone.)

What relationship do you have with Music and dance? Are you indifferent towards them or they are important and meaningful to you? Do you have a preferered genre of music? Can you dance? Do you dance? Let’s talk

I’ll be back. OBA

Movies

When we talked about Music and Dance yesterday, I wanted to include Movies, but I just knew that it deserved a post of its own. Movies are goated, if you get what I mean, and I love how reality is mixed with fiction to create fantastic works of arts for our enjoyment. The industry itself being a money making one gives me joy because many entertainers get their means of survival and livelihood from it while doing what they enjoy. There is nothing as beautiful as being passionate about something and making money while at it. I thoroughly enjoy Yoruba movies. Wait, hear me out. I know you are rolling your eyes at me but please just let me present my case. For me, movies are supposed to be purely for entertainment. I want to watch a movie and laugh and generally have a feel good moment. I don’t have to start thinking so deep and rigorously because I want to follow a story and make it make sense. There is already so much toughness and calculation happening in the real world and I would rather not subject myself to that intentionally all in the name of watching a movie. Yoruba movies give me that ease and I’d love to stick to them. 

This doesn’t mean I don’t watch other movies though. I enjoy films and TV shows that have romantic themes because you already know how enthusiastic I am about healthy relationships and how people are able to wing it. I also like those that promote sisterhood, brotherhood or any kind of great community.  I’m currently watching Sistas by Tyler Perry and I’m so hooked, I even followed another series that was an offshoot of it, that’s how much I have been enjoying it. I like the intrigue, comedy and presentation of how different people manage their relationships, it shows a lot of behind the scenes in relationships and it is quite enjoyable. I like Bollywood movies too and how unrealistic they are. Lol. Their attempt at making things look so superficial will never not be funny to me, the songs too are a plus, and I love their outfits and beauty. I have also fallen into peer pressure by beginning to like Korean movies. Many of my friends watch them and they won’t stop singing their praises so I decided to try them out and I’ve been hooked. You should try them too, never say never. Anytime I feel like relaxing while eating or just sitting with my family, We tune in to Youtube and randomly select a Yoruba movie. My partner was initially not a fan of such but I’m glad I’ve been able to successfully initiate him into liking them. He still watches his foreign movies with tough themes and I don’t stop him since he doesn’t stop me either. lol. I sometimes join him in watching those movies and I leave when I realise it is getting too complicated. Again, I’m not interested in watching anything that has hard themes and people who fight and shoot and what not. Just give me Wumi Toriola and Femi Adebayo please, I’m good. We created a habit as a couple and that’s having a movie night every Friday. Because we ultimately have different preferences with movies, we balance it out by making one person choose for this week while the other person chooses the next week, this way, no one feels left out and we both put our minds to enjoying it regardless of who chose. We even banter ourselves when one person chooses a movie and it doesn’t end up interesting. It is a bonding exercise that I’d really recommend for couples. If you have kids, you could do it after their bed time if they have a routine. Movies work for people even when they don’t feel so good especially if it’s a funny and feel good movie. It improves their moods and generally makes them feel better with the make believe scenes and activities. I am very happy that Movies exist. I really am. What kind of Movies do you watch or prefer? Are you a team ‘anything goes’ or you watch particular kinds? Are you a Yoruba film lover like me or you don’t rate those of us who watch it? Feel free to share. I’ll be back. OBA

I knew that I was ready to have another child, and I only needed to convince my husband to get on board. You see, we had planned to have a minimum of four years spacing for our kids, and other reasons also contributed to the achievement of this. My husband, if left to decide, was fine with us having Baby F only, and sticking by that. My theory to this is that when you are a present parent who goes all the way for their child, you wouldn’t want to have so many kids, because have you met kids? Have you?

Back to the story. I knew I was ready and I discussed it with him. He repeatedly asked me if I was sure and I said yes; it wasn’t my first time of hinting at it anyway, but this time, I was truly serious about it and I laid down my reasons, a key one being that I wasn’t getting younger and if we wanted to have more kids, it would be better to get to it already. He agreed with me and we prayed about it, while planning to become strategic.

July came and I remember vividly that I was at a friend’s place making her hair when I started feeling mild cramps. I immediately texted my husband to lament about how I had not left the house with sanitary towels and it seemed like my period was coming earlier, also mentioned to him how that meant there was no pregnancy that month. He then suggested that I ask my friend if she could spare one, I did just that and got myself fixed up. I had a slight hint of disappointment but he told me not to dwell on it at all because why would I start getting worried that soon? He reminded me that there was no reason to rush and we should just keep the faith that it will happen at the best time granted by God.

I returned home and I realised the period hadn’t come, ah ah, why did I now go and borrow pad? smh. The cramps didn’t go though, on and off; mild and severe, it remained. Day 2 came, day 3, day 4, no show, just the cramps. The initial expected day for the period arrived and it still hadn’t come. At this point, my husband blurted out : “You are pregnant” and I told him it was too early to be certain. I had been feeling funny in addition to the cramps and it was similar to how I felt with Baby F’s pregnancy in the early days, but I didn’t want to be too ahead of myself and then get disappointed later. I went to the store later to pick some items and before leaving, I went to the pharmacy for a pregnancy kit.

I waited till the next morning as it is said that the best time to run the home test was with the first urine of the day. I woke up, went to pee and my husband was laughing before I went in because he was almost sure what the result would be. Lo and behold, he was right, there were two bold lines. We were pregnant again. Alhamdulilah. It was so surreal, you know. Deciding that you wanted something, praying to God about it and seeing it happen immediately. We were both so surprised, happy, thankful and thankful and thankful again. Now, the journey begins.

F had an appointment at the GP’s (General Practitioner) later that day, so while there, I saw a flier that had all the details of what to do if you were pregnant and needed to register. I saved the details and registered when I got home. I was later scheduled for my first appointment weeks after. This was a surprise to me as during my first pregnancy in Nigeria, I could go into the hospital immediately to run a confirmatory blood test amongst other things. I had heard this wasn’t the case in the UK as the first appointments usually happened at 12 weeks but I assumed it was an exaggeration. Well, I experienced having to wait till 12 weeks and when I went, all the necessary tests were done and I also was scheduled to speak to a doctor later about what my preferred birthing plan would be. I liked that.

As if my symptoms were waiting for me to run a test, they came in full force and first trimester wasn’t funny, just like the last time. I have to acknowledge though, that I didn’t have Nausea and vomiting as much as I did with F’s pregnancy, but I still felt awful throughout that time. Luckily for me , my mum came to visit us at that time and was present for the entire first trimester so I had help from her and my husband. F too was helpful, I mean my baby is 5! It was during this first trimester that I still planned and executed an event in London. I almost cancelled it but it had been in the works before I found out I was pregnant. We had our event and it was beautiful.

After the first trimester, I got better and the pregnancy was smooth. My antenatal visits were okay and I had my partner accompany me to every single one. I had the anomaly scan done as it is routine here in the UK. I was so anxious when we did this but my husband kept telling me that God would perfect everything. Solid guy; that one. The results came and they were okay. As earlier said, things continued smoothly and the antenatal visits were all attended without issues.

When I had my first meeting with the doctor, I let them know that I had history of prolonged labour after induction which eventually led to an emergency C section due to cephalic occiput posterior position, and baby was in distress amongst other things, and due to this, I’d prefer to have a planned Caesarean, as I strongly believed that the earlier issues might come up again and I wouldn’t want another emergency one. They okayed my request and also said that if I changed my mind and decided to have a VBAC(Vaginal Birth after CS), that would be fine too and my decision would be accepted. I thanked them and knew that I was decided about this. My partner and I had earlier discussed it and he had made it clear that whatever I wanted was the most important. I wasn’t going to risk things and have the experience I had the first time (If you haven’t read it, you can do that here ). I also mentioned how my BP was slightly raised during my last pregnancy and how despite it being normal at that moment, I would want it monitored throughout the pregnancy . That was noted and it indeed was monitored.

Pregnancy was smooth, but by smooth, I don’t mean it was easy. I easily got tired and could barely walk a distance without getting exhausted and breathing hard. I remember a particular experience when we went grocery shopping and my husband was carrying the bags and I told him to walk in front so that he could get to our next location quickly as I was walking slowly. After a while, I started feeling dizzy and just wanted to sit, in the middle of the road, you know. I kept dragging my feet and trying to be strong and then he looked back and saw how slow I was being. He dropped the bags somewhere and ran back to assist me and then I told him I just needed to sit. I didn’t care where we were, I just let him walk me to an entrance of a store and I actually sat down on the bare floor. Ah, pregnancy will do things to you. Me, slay queen of our time, sitting on the bare floor because nothing else seemed better at that point.

I realised that I didn’t have the kind of energy that I thought I did and I needed to slow down. It wasn’t like I was doing anything strenuous anyway. I ate good, slept as much as could and did only the chores that I was okay doing. Thankful for a solid support system. Are

Then came the later days with the big tummy and unease while sleeping. I’d toss and turn and pee like a million times before morning, I totally did not like that part. I was still thankful that everything was going smoothly, and I had no reason to worry. We had a gender scan and before it, my husband again told me we were having a girl. He said that he just knows he has ‘head for girls”. Funny abi? Anyway, I thought we’d have a boy because my two siblings had the two genders consecutively and I thought mine would be same. We had the scan and the sonographer wasn’t so pleasant so she didn’t even give us that anticipatory feel. she only asked us if we were interested in knowing and when we confirmed, she said : “It looks like you are having a girl”. My husband gave me the : I told you so” look and we began to prepare for our coming baby girl.

My husband and friends successfully planned a surprise baby shower for me, even though I knew somehow but didn’t say anything. (Sorry my darlings reading this, I knew!) I was truly happy because I never expected such seeing as we aren’t in Nigeria and I don’t have so many friends around. They still pulled that! Thank you, my people.

On one of the visits, we were told that the available date to have the baby was February 29th, as 2024 is a leap year. Babe and I had discussed the possibility of this since my EDD was around then. We were initially reluctant but then we thought about it thay what if we didn’t have the liberty to pick a date ? What if it was spontaneous labour that happened on that day? Would we push it back ? Lol. We accepted the date and prayed to God to make it end well, as that was everything that mattered.

Things kept going on smoothly, until a week before the D-Day when I went for a routine appointment and they found out my Blood Pressure was high. It wasn’t high on the extreme side but high enough to be monitored because of my condition. I also complained that I didn’t feel the baby’s movements as much as I used to. The way everyone of the medics went into emergency mode is one for the books. From leaving home for a regular check up, to being referred to the bigger hospital, to being placed on a bp monitor that read every ten minutes, to the baby’s heartbeat being monitored continuously and my bloodwork being done, it was scary but I had my man by my side reassuring me and reminding me to keep the faith. We weren’t released from the hospital until 12am and we were told I needed to come in the next day.

The midwife who measured the baby at that earlier regular appointment also said the baby was really big and that was concerning and they’d have suggested a Caeserean but it was already in the plan so I was good. So, there I was, with a high bp and big baby and suspected reduced fetal movement until they confirmed the baby was doing perfectly okay. Hmnn. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I truly was. The next day, I was called early to come in for a scan urgently and there we went again. It was reconfirmed that the baby was big and the sonographer also mentioned that a Caeserean was suggested but the doctor would explain better, The doctor then repeated what the midwife said, that the planned CS was the best. Thank God I had insisted from the beginning and prepared myself for it. They kept monitoring the BP and I was placed on anti hypertensives. I was told that if the medication didn’t regulate the BP well enough, they’d have to bring the baby out earlier than planned. Again. I won’t lie, these people are good with managing emergencies!

I was daily monitored and thankfully, it was regulated. The D day came and we had to leave the house very early as we were told. A Neighbour gracefully agreed to have Baby F with them; not only on that day but even previously on days that we had appointments and she wasn’t in school. I’ll never forget that neighbour’s kind gestures because they truly made it easy for babe and I to attend appointments together. Shout out to you, Mummy and Daddy Z, you rock!

We left the house with a prayer: “Oh Allah, we are leaving the house as a family of 3, please let us return as a family of 4, healthy and fine”. That prayer made me emotional, I won’t lie. I knew the many things that could go wrong, but I needed to be intentional about having good thoughts only.

We got to the hospital, got checked in and we started getting visits from different medics. From the doctors to the midwives to the anaesthetists. Everyone came to explain what their roles would be and what was to be expected. It was truly an experience because I totally liked how involved they made us feel and how they kept reassuring us.

I was very calm but I noticed babe was agitated and he is usually the very calm one. It was then my turn to reassure him that we’ll be fine . It was later announced that I was next and I was wheeled in, with my husband in tow. The process started and they kept explaining what they were doing to me, I was praying and praying and praying. My husband was praying too and repeatedly saying: “Wow Wow, you women are trying, you women are amazing, Subhanallah, I’m proud of you”, while rubbing my hands and finding it hard to look at the process. ?

After a while, I was told that baby was about to come out, and there was a pull and splash. My baby’s cry resounded in the room and she was handed to me and placed on my chest . My gorgeous big baby with head full of hair! Alhamdulilah.

Then, she was taken to be checked and babe was asked if he wanted to cut the umbilical cord; yes, yes, yes! He did that and stayed while they cleaned up baby, also kept dashing to my side to be sure I was okay and telling me what was being done with the baby. What a moment it was.

I was later transferred to another bed to be wheeled to the ward, and I remember how the team told me I’d be lifted and might feel like I was falling but I should trust that they won’t let that happen ?. It indeed felt like I was going to fall but I was securely transferred and we went to the ward. I was told that I lost a lot of blood so I had to be monitored.

We got to the ward and after some hours of rest, I insisted I was ready to stand up. Lol. Babe kept saying No but I really wanted to, and I did. The pain was felt but not so much and I later realised that the anaesthesia had not fully worn off which made me feel like I was super strong. After I slept overnight, the pain I woke up with wasn’t funny and then I remembered, yes, the deal has started! I know that when I tried to stand up at that moment, it was difficult but Omo Ope no Dey fold.

We were discharged later the next day after I was repeatedly asked if I was fine and with instructions on the injections I had to take daily to avoid blood clots. I had to get daily stomach injections for six weeks, you know. My husband was the one who did the honours.

This story is already too long and I hope I haven’t bored anyone. The story after our discharge and my healing after Caesarean and feeding the baby and everything post partum, has to come as a separate post so I don’t chase you all away with the length.

Today, 29th August,2024, Baby Amiyah Nihinlolawa Adeniran clocks six months and we are graduating from six full months of exclusive breastfeeding. I’m thankful to Allah, I’m proud of myself, I’m in awe of my husband’s support and commitment , I adore my baby F’s dedication to being a wonderful big sister, and I’m super super appreciative of Grandmas who were and are still there as backbones.

Thank you, family and friends for loving this family of mine and for being there in different ways. We cherish you.

Please say a prayer for baby A; as earlier said, we are six months today!

I’ll be back. OBA.

It’s been 30 days…

If you stuck around till this moment, congratulations! And thank you, because I know it isn’t so easy to stay committed to anything in this our fast paced world. Some people even made sure they added comments on all the posts and this was very encouraging to me. Thank you, everyone, I couldn’t have written all these just for myself without having an audience. It wasn’t easy doing it every day, because sometimes I’d be so tired and exhausted from the day’s activities, but I have written about commitment and discipline, so what excuse would I give you all if I decided to not write on a particular day, when my promise to you was that I’d dish posts out every day for 30 days? I had to follow the points that I had already listed to you all, because doing otherwise would show a level of unseriousness, and we don’t do that here. I am reallhy happy that we were able to do this again for 30 days, I mean, it looked so far away when we started on day 1 but look at where we are now. We did it. Today is really about reflecting on the past days and all that we have discussed. I’d now list the  themes we wrote/read about for the past 29 days, to serve as a refresher, and for us to see if we can remember what we learnt about these themes.

1. Love
2. Growth
3. Trust
4. Accountability
5. Celebration
6. Friendship
7. Gratitude
8. Family
9. Vulnerability
10. Community
11. Purpose
12. Food
13. Colours
14. Discipline
15. Companionship
16. Beauty
17. Documenting Experiences
18. Compliments
19. Cleanliness
20. Prayer
21. Getting dressed and Looking Good
22. Solitude
23. Travel
24. Sleep
25. Forgiveness
26. Confidence
27. Music and Dance
28. Movies
29. Internet

You know, they say that any behaviour  that you can take up for 30 days can be sustained, and any habit that you can avoid for 30 days can be done away with forever. All of these only need being intentional with your doings. If you can imbibe all of the positives that we have used these themes to pass across, it might just be the beginning of thoroughly mindful living for you, because you now know that everything you do is done with particular guidelines and you don’t want to derail. Learn to love and spread love around you, while embracing growth and also trusting others as you try to be trustyworthy yourself. Be accountable to someone or more than one person,celebrate people and build Friendships. Be one of those who regularly show grattitude and always hold Family dear without forgetting to be vulnerable. You need a Community, a solid one and you need to work on your sense of purpose, as you eat good and healthy food.  Colours brighten our mood, so you could maybe try them sometimes even if not all the time, be disciplined in any way you can decide for yourself and don’t chase people who are trying to be your cpmpanion away. What does beauty mean to you? You’d find it all around you and you are also beauty personified. Take pictures and write or any other style you can use to document experiences . Accept and give compliments, be clean and please pray! Dress fancy and dapper, and it is okay to sometimes practise solitude because you’d like to be on your own. Travel, sleep, forgive, be confident, listen to music and dance from time to time, watch movies and ensure that you are making the best use of the internet. This best use can be achieved by curating the content you allow yourself to get access to, and by taking constant breaks whenever the exposure gets overwhelmimg. It’s been a really jolly ride with you all, and I’m happy we got to do this. I have a high sense of fulfilment and I truly hope you have a  similar feeling.. I pray that God preserves and protects our lives so we can gather again next year to do this in another dimension . I’ll miss writing daily, and I’ll miss your comments too. I hope to be a more consistent writer in the coming months and not just wait for the next November to come. You can also let me know if you have particular topics you’d like for me to write about, and I’ll try my best to do something. Please tell me the particular themes that resonated the most with you, and the ones you’d be more intentional with henceforth. I love you, dear reader. Thank you and God bless you. I’ll be back, for real. 

OBA

This is a long overdue post. But I’m glad I waited and didn’t rush. It is going to be lengthy, and enjoyable , I hope.   I got married in December 2017.  If you live in the part of the world where I live, you would understand that people have expectations about your life and really believe you should live by them. I mean, who are you not to follow their perceived natural procession of growing up, going to school, getting married and then having children? You just had to do their bidding. Lol. Barely a month later, I was already getting funny stares in real life and comments on social media whenever I posted a picture. Comments like : “omg, pregnancy suits you”, ‘baby loading’ “Wow, cute preggy” (This particular one met me at a wrong moment so I gave her a piece of my mind). My friend, Olatoun knows the story and still uses that phrase to tease me till today. I did not find the comments funny because 1, I wasn’t pregnant. 2. I wasn’t trying to get pregnant, 3, I needed everyone to leave me the hell alone and stop watching my womb for me.  My husband and I already agreed to hold on a while and enjoy our marriage while the kids would come later, if and when Allah wills. We didn’t exactly do anything to prevent or make it happen, we just had the intentions of waiting and because our God is one who listens, He listened. We were going to move houses later in the year (2018), and my husband just told me one day that he had a dream that I would get pregnant immediately we moved. I laughed at him but I had a tugging feeling deep down that it was true because it wasn’t the first time he would have a dream and it would come to pass. So during the month of Ramadan, one of our prayer points was that if indeed it would be beneficial for us, Allah should grant us an offspring that would be with us by the next Ramadan. Related:  The Z and W Wedding

FINDING OUT

We moved in July 2018, and had to travel to our hometown almost immediately for Eid (Sallah as non muslims call it). I had also planned a meet and greet with different ladies to be held after the Sallah so I had my hands full. We didn’t get a direct flight to Ibadan so we had to book a flight to Lagos and then a cab to Ibadan. On the day we flew, My monthly flow was due so I was cranky throughout the journey because I was feeling so uneasy and nothing was forthcoming.  On getting to Ibadan, I had become highly irritable and I just kept snapping at my husband, poor guy! We stayed at my husband’s place for two days and I went over to my parent’s place to stay for two days before we would embark on the journey to my husband’s hometown where we would celebrate Eid. While at home, I told my mum how I was feeling and she told me to be calm and count the days I was overdue for (Lol she knew). She then called my husband and told him to not let me do any work when we arrived their hometown, that I needed lots of rest. I didn’t even know all of these.  We traveled and the road was really bad so my crankiness was still very much present. I kept feeling like I was flowing so when we arrived, I ran to check but there was nothing. Whew! Such an experience. I managed to go for Eid prayers and take pictures for the culture (You know how we do).

But immediately I returned, I ran into the room and tried to rest. I was crying at a point because I couldn’t understand what was happening. Something was happening to my body and I could not explain it. I didn’t know how the rams were slaughtered or who cooked what, I only know I was brought food to eat after the cooking was done. Thank God for an amazing and ever present family that I have in my husband’s people. They do the most for me. At a point, My FIL said we should go to a clinic because of how I was acting but I said No. I was already guessing what could be happening and I wasn’t really sure I was prepared to find out that way.  So, the whole of Sallah had me on the bed. Then on the day after Eid, I was informed that we had to go and greet people who attended the wedding ( ah I wanted to cry but I just had to go). So we set out early for this and I went to do a lot of kneeling down, at the end of this, my whole body was doubly aching and I was more assured that something was going on.

Anyways, the day ended and we had to return to Ibadan so I would prepare for my event. The journey was another story but I don’t want to bore anyone with the details. By the time we got home, I was feverish and extremely cranky, I started crying at a point and the next day looked almost impossible but I had about forty ladies registered for the event and I couldn’t imagine disappointing them. I still had to  monitor deliveries from vendors, make sure everything was set and even cook something, because everyone was supposed to bring a food item since it was a potluck. I snapped at my team members at a point (Apologies darlings, thanks for understanding). Babe helped with lots of things and made me sleep early so I would get enough rest for the next day. Before sleeping, I prayed to God that I wanted to be fine by morning although how I was feeling made it look almost impossible but I knew the kind of God I serve, He did it!. I wasn’t exactly feeling perfect when I woke the next day but I was definitely better than the previous day.  The cooking was done and we set out. The energy I exuded during the event was so much that I began to feel ‘normal’ again but from time to time, I still had that funny feeling. The event came and went and it was beautiful, Alhamdulilah.I   don’t know if anyone noticed anything off during the event but I was still as active as ever and we all had a nice time.

We then had to leave for Abuja (via Lagos) and that was the end of the holiday. We arrived Abuja, got a kit, waited for the next morning and ran a home test. I was too jittery to look at it so babe did the honours and told me there were two lines. The test was positive. We were pregnant. I mean, we would have a baby. Our own baby. Made with love. At the time Allah willed.  Which of His favours can we deny? Which of Allah’s numerous favours can we deny? I would have posted a video babe made at this period but I wasn’t fully dressed so I can’t. I really can’t describe the feeling and how I was acting, I didn’t know how to act. We decided to do a blood test for confirmation before informing anyone and then it just happened that babe got down with Malaria so we just had to visit the clinic. We both saw a doctor and while his malaria was confirmed, my Pregnancy was confirmed.  Drugs were prescribed for him while next steps to be taken were explained to me.  Alhamdulilah ……..  

THE PREGNANCY JOURNEY

Few days after this, I didn’t want to stay home so I decided to go and register at a coworking hub so I would run my business from there. I had told my husband that he would take me numerous pictures before I started showing so I could still carry on like there was nothing on my social media.  I din’t know God was looking at me like; lol. The first day I would resume at the hub, I was feeling so uncomfortable and I just kept sleeping at the breakout room. I did this for two days and I had to tell myself that it wouldn’t work. I had to stay home. Coincidentally, I had different job/business offers but I had to turn them down because I’d rather not take them than take them and not be productive enough. Thank God I made this decision because when all the symptoms hit me, they were massive! I started feeling really tired and feverish and tired again. for the first weeks, I was being thankful that I wasn’t throwing up despite all the other symptoms, I didn’t know I was just joking. The first time it happened, I was brushing my teeth when it hit me. I felt like my intestine would all come out in the open. That was the start of numerous vomittings to come. Mehn, those were some moments I do not want to remember. Then came the tummy ache, the body pain, everything. I grew so lean that babe became really scared. I could not do anything in the house, thank God for home tenders. My husband’s cousin then came from Lagos and she relieved us of a lot of stress. She made sure I ate well and that the house was well kept. My mum also had to take an urgent leave from work and she came to spend some time with us. They made me feel better and everyone kept saying the sickness would be gone at the end of the first trimester, I waited and waited for the trimester to pass and kept praying that it would indeed get better. ( I had heard gist that some people actually had to go through a rough time all through their pregnancy, regardless of what trimester they are in). Fortunately, I got better in the second trimester but I still wasn’t exactly fit to run things. Before the pregnancy, I had spent a lot of  money on a new collection and the plan was that I would sell them for Eid but because the tailor I worked with disappointed me, this could not happen so I had planned to sell them after I returned to Abuja before pregnancy also happened. What this meant was that I had clothes worth thousands of Naira in the house and there was no strength to market them or even dispatch if people decided to buy. I don’t want to go into details of Antenatal because as said earlier, I don’t want to bore you guys  but I have to confess that it was a pleasant experience as the hospital we used is a really standard one. They didn’t pay me for advert so I won’t be mentioning them. Lol that’s just a joke. The name of the hospital is Limi hospital here in Abuja and they are really good. They are a standard and up to date hospital and their staff are very warm and accommodating. The pregnancy was smooth until the beginning of the third trimester when I started having contractions. I initially thought they were Braxton Hicks but when they became really frequent, I had to go see my doctor. Babe dropped me at the clinic because he had to go to court, only for me to get there and be informed that I had to be on admission for observation because they didn’t want me to have a premature baby. Ah! I was so scared, I agreed to be admitted and informed babe, who in turn rushed down to the clinic where we both slept till morning.

We were there till the next evening before I was certified okay and discharged with plenty drugs. It was such an experience and on getting home, I kept calling my doctor to inform him of every little thing. Shout out to Doctor Kelvin, He was such an amazing doctor all through! We need more people like him. We decided that I go to  Ibadan to have the baby so I would be closer to the two families (They both live in Ibadan) so we booked my flight for 24th of February although April was when we were expecting. We didn’t want the travelling period to be too close to the birth period. I wasn’t looking forward to this at all as it meant I would be away from my husband for a while but I had to get going with the sacrifice and look at the bigger picture and reason for doing it.  Two weeks before I was supposed to travel, Elections were postponed in the country which meant that my travelling date had to be changed and it had to be earlier. I then had to fly on the 20th. sigh. On the day I traveled, I promised myself I would not cry but immediately my husband turned his back at the airport, the tears came freely. It was so bad that a man met me while I was walking to the terminal and he started admonishing me to endure and understand that I was going for something good. He even assumed my husband was staying in Abuja and I was staying somewhere else so I came to visit him. The man was really kind to me and he helped me all the way, sad that we didn’t exchange numbers so I would thank him properly. I had stayed too long with my husband so the flight was almost moving when I got to the plane,then another drama ensued as the head hostess said I was too far gone so they wouldn’t allow me to fly without a doctor’s report? I said ehn? what? Lol the tears were just flowing anyhow because my hormones were raging and there I was, being told that my pregnancy would prevent me from flying. After some back and forth, they agreed on the condition that I wasn’t lying about the number of weeks the pregnancy was. Whew! I got to Ibadan and my mum took me home. My in-laws kept coming to visit an everyone was treating me like a queen. You know how I regularly say that I have wonderful people around me, it was indeed beautiful. I then scheduled a maternity shoot and planned it with my friend who owns a spa : Society Glam house. We did that!

The yellow dress was a gift from my friend, Olabimpe, who owns whitecallaofficial and she really did this with the measurements I sent her. She sourced the fabric and created the exact style I sent her. Please reach out to her if you want something similar or other gorgeous outfits. The other outfits were from @beebeeem on Instagram while the scarves were from Hijabsbyaeesha who only needed to be told the colours and she came through with them in the exact shade. MAke up by Societyglam house, Pictures by Ladayo Bodunrin photography and direction by everyone , lol. Rodiyah also breezed in and she is responsible for those floor poses.  

LABOUR

I was given an EDD but my friend , Jumoke had already told me to expect the baby from 37 weeks. I started looking forward to having her in the 37th week but apparently mama was just laughing at me from inside. 38th and 39th week came, nothing! Then when it was three days to 4oth week, I started having some contractions and my doctor told me to get to the hospital right away (Oh Dr Suleiman, awesome individual! ). I can say Allah really blessed me with great doctors through this journey.  My mum had gone out few minutes back, I called her, told her the situation and she rushed back home (Hmnn, a whole post won’t be enough to appreciate this mother of mine).  She returned and we headed for the hospital. On getting there, I was examined and it was realized that I wasn’t dilated at all. I was then injected to verify if it was false labour or the real one and since I slept through it, it was ascertained that real labour had not started yet. I was told all these the next day and I was taken to the ward. Before this, one of the nurses told my mum( she is a nurse too), that my baby seemed really big and my mum said she also felt so. Mum then discussed with me and  reached out to the doctor in charge, telling him that we wouldn’t mind going for an elective CS. The doctor (A Prof.) then told my mum to hold on and sent different doctors to the ward to try talking me out of it, his reason being that there was no indication for a surgery and my height and everything were adequate for a vaginal delivery. I was then discharged to return the following week if labour had not commenced before then, he said by then, we could consider other options. I went home on Tuesday (the exact day I was forty weeks) and I was really impatient at that time, like darling baby, can you come already. That evening, I saw the mucus plug (show) and I got really excited, like finally! The next morning, I woke up and started walking briskly round the compound, I had been told it could make labour come on fast. I was doing plenty things at the same time as I was also in charge of my friend’s Asoebi sales and bridal shower. The clothes were getting to Ibadan on that day so I was monitoring its arrival. My mum helped to pick at the park and we sorted them together that evening. Around past ten, I started having contractions again but I didn’t want to raise any alarm so it wouldn’t be false like the last time. However, my mum noticed my discomfort and I had to explain how I was feeling to her. She asked me to monitor the frequency, which I did. I started jotting the interval it was coming on with my phone and when it was around past twelve, I noticed they were getting stronger and five minutes apart, I told mum this and she jumped up, informed my dad and we set out, with my husband’s cousin that I mentioned earlier, she had come from school two weeks back to stay with me. While going out, we realized that the neighborhood gate was closed, we honked and honked for a long time, we saw no one. My parents were getting worried at this time, like, what a wrong time to be locked in. We turned to go through the other gate and thankfully, the security guy opened fast enough. We arrived at the hospital around past one and went to the emergency, at this time, the contractions weren’t far apart but I was still forming hard babe. lol. I suddenly felt an urge to pee and I really wanted to bend and do that but the nurses stopped me, saying it could be the baby’s head trying to come out. We got to the labour ward and I wasn’t attended to on time because a woman was bleeding and they were sorting that (can’t tell this story because it isn’t mine). The contractions were still coming but I was gisting with my mum and husband’s cousin in between. I was feeling like it wasn’t so bad and I was fine. I was then examined by a nurse and I was 2cm. After the doctors got through with what they were doing, one of them came to me and said he wanted to examine me. I tried to tell him I had just been examined but he would have none of it. He did another examination and it was extremely painful (they call it cervical ripening ). I screamed so loud that my mum had to rush in. She wasn’t happy that this one was so painful when someone just examined me and I barely made a sound. I was then injected again, the same injection I got the last time. I was told that if it was false labour, I would sleep through it but it being real would not allow me to sleep. I didn’t sleep till morning and the contractions kept coming. When morning came (about four hours later), I was examined again and I was 3cm. Sigh. Women around me were progressing so fast and I just couldn’t grasp what was happening to me. I was examined again after four hours and it was about 3.5/4cm. The doctor then said he would raise oxytocin (which means I would be induced to hasten the labour). Brethren, this was when the real pain started! Ah, I saw things. I was holding it in at first and praying but when it really hit me, I was screaming loud. Saying : Ya Allah, have mercy on me. “Thumma sabillah yasarahu. Oh Allah, make this easy for me”. It got to a point, my husband’s cousin was weeping and they had to take her out. I was telling my mum how much I loved her. Mum was also at the verge of tears but she had to kick in professionalism, she would just turn away when it was too much. After I was induced, I was examined again and ?I was 5cm. I screamed whyyyyyy? So many women had come in after me and had left hours after with their babies, why was mine being so slow? The doctor then asked if my water broke yet and I said no then he said he would break it now, he then brought a scissors like equipment and did the breaking (they call it membrane sweeping). This pain, I can not describe but I didn’t even scream because the contractions were the most painful and I focused on that. After he broke the water, he called another doctor who confirmed that the water wasn’t clear, which was suggestive of the fact that baby had passed meconium (first poop) and that baby was in distress. When I heard this, I almost ran mad. I had read so much about babies getting tired and all that during labour so my mind was racing. The doctor then said they would watch for two hours and if I didn’t still progress, I would be sectioned. My mum was livid, like wait, you would still section her and we had to wait this long?LAbour for twenty four hours? after we initially requested for elective? wow. I told the doctor not to wait two hours not just because the pain was already unbearable but because I was already scared about the bay’s tiredness. I started screaming at them to take off the oxytocin and wheel me to the theatre. They were saying I should hold on, that I could get lucky and progress. Fam, this was almost twenty four hours after labour commenced. Sigh. I started speaking rapidly and telling them nothing must happen to my baby. It was at this point that they took the oxytocin off and told my mum to go buy things for the surgery. I was wheeled to the theater at some minutes past ten and I told my mum before entering that I wasn’t feeling the baby’e movement well. Mum told me not to say negative things and to keep praying, which I did. We got into the theater and I was injected on my spine (I was so calm, for someone who was in excruciating pain), and even the anesthesiologist  commended me for being so cooperative. In my mind, I was thinking; why won’t I be calm? I want my baby out, alive and healthy, I’d do anything at this point! After he was done, he asked me if I could lift my legs and I said I couldn’t. The surgery started shortly after this. Few minutes after, I heard my baby’s cry. A very loud cry and I wept! She was shown to me so I could identify her sex and I did. After the surgery was done, I thanked the doctors and one of them told me they should also be thanking me for insisting that the surgery commenced immediately because my baby was facing up and it would have been hard to deliver her vaginally. Baby came out weighing 3.65kg and she had her chord round her neck already ?. Hmnn, just look at that!. Look at everything that could have gone wrong. I then started shaking and they said it was normal, I was wheeled out to the recovery room and I saw my mum, she hugged me from the bed and mehn, I was indeed grateful. I then said I wanted to speak to my husband (that one had been calling my mum non stop, lol). Mum said I was really shaking and he would barely hear me if I called him but I insisted. Although mum had informed him that baby was out, I still wanted to talk to him myself which I did: Babe, we have a baby! Which of Allah’s favours can we deny? I should stop here and not bore you with post operation recovery details, but I hope I have been detailed enough on how my pregnancy and labour story went. I pray that Allah grants safe delivery to all pregnant women and that He grants healthy children to those who are seeking. Amin. I am learning as the days go by and trying to be the best mum to our daughter. Please say a word of prayer for me, my baby, my husband and my family. May Allah grant you and I genuine happiness! I’ll be back.  OBA

Internet

Let us take a minute to thank God for allowing us to witness and experience the era of Internet and Online platforms, please. It is such a great thing, and I am in awe of it everytime I use it or think about it. If we were to list the number of things that the Internet has done positively, we wouldn’t leave here today because they are truly numerous to count. It is the actual gift that keeps giving, without end. My first experience of the Internet was in my final year in secondary school. I had heard of Cyber Cafes and how people used to go there to ”browse”.  I had gone there the previous year to regsiter for GCE but I didn’t do anything myself as I only had to pay the attendants there to help with it, which they did. So on this day, my friend asked that I followed her to the Cyber cafe as she wanted to check something and I was pretty excited about it. We went there after school hours with our pretty uniforms and when we got there, she suggested I bought ‘time’ too so I wouldn’t just sit and be bored while she was doing her own surfing. I truly didn’t know how to operate the computer, so she showed me simple steps to search and trust your homegirl to be a fast learner. She was just going to browse some music lyrics and also read about Omotola Jolade and I did what she was doing. I went further by checking for Genevieve and it took me to the profiles of different people in Nollywood at that time. It was so interesting to be watching large pictures of these people and reading about them like they were right beside me.  I enjoyed this so much that I didn’t know when the time elapsed; I think we bought just thirty minutes each and we couldn’t afford more, we also had to leave for home as it was getting late. I thanked my friend about the experience because it was indeed a beautiful experience and I knew I was going to tell it to everyone who cared to listen. After Secondary school, my parents registered me at a Computer training school and this was where I properly learnt how to operate computers. I learnt the basics of Microsoft office amongst other things, and yours truly graduated with a distinction. While at the training school, they didn’t provide us with internet but there was a cyber cafe very close to the center. I would use some of the money my folks gave me as pocket money to go buy minutes just to surf the internet and look up celebrities and their lifestyles. There was no Social media that I was aware of at that time. So, it was really just about using your entire minutes bought to look up entertainment. It was also good that you could use your minutes within a period of time so you didn’t have to finish everything in one sitting.

When I got to University, my friend, Olajumoke called me sometime and informed me that there was a platform that I could register on and we’d interact with each other from there. She mentioned how pictures could be uploaded and all. I discussed with my friend, Bukky, and she said she had also heard of it and she felt we should go to explore it. We went to town and bought one hour each at a Cafe then Facebook began. We registered and when it was time to upload our profile pictures, the attendant told us we needed to bring our hard copy pictures which he would then upload for us at a cost. We went back to school to bring our finest pictures taken on the motion ground and we uploaded them. Thinking about it now, why? Looool. We really used to take pictures on the motion ground ( which we’d pay for), then take them to the cafe to upload them and pay according to the number of pictures uploaded. We started connecting with our old friends and meeting new ones and it was such an exciting thing. We would chat for as long as our bought minutes could last, and this platform was actually what ensured that my friendship with Jumoke got maintained because we kept updating each other even though we weren’t online at the same time but we’d still meet each other’s messages. We were so innocent, so pure. Then came the time of Opera mini on our phones and we were able to access the internet somehow through the help of some guys on Campus who were tech savvy. Mehn, guys have been on this tech thing for long o. They’d just pick our Nokia phones, do some configuration and boom, you had access to Facebook and Yahoo. The steps to getting to where we are today is a long one o, and you guys should give me my flowers because I’m an OG in this Internet game. As with other things, the internet has its cons which some of us might know already, but as I always say, you have the power to be intentional about what you use whatever platform for and ensure that you are getting positives out of it. If used right, you can get the jobs, the collaborations, the friendships, the relationships, Marriage, the learnings and much more. Don’t dull it at all. The possibilities on the internet are enormous ,and I’d implore us to please tap into them. The internet brings everything to our doorstep, I mean, how else are you currently in your house and reading a blog post written by Omotolani who is miles away from you? What do you think about the Internet? What was your first contact with the Internet? Who introduced you to it? Let’s gist. I’ll be back. OBA