Blog - November 9, 2022
Day 9: The November Happiness Challenge 2022
I think I need to add “in a relationship” to this topic, and this is because the direct definition of vulnerability means opening yourself to harm, as seen in wars and similar situations, and that is not what we are doing here. Lol.
Vulnerability in a relationship means being ready to bare it all without limits or without restraint. Being all in without minding the risks involved, while understanding that it could lead to a better connection and bonding with the other person. You aknowledge that allowing yourself to be known and understood fully means that the other person knows the best way to manage your imperfections and amplify your goodness.
I mean, yes you are a very wonderful being who has so many amazing qualities yet to be discovered, but so do you have your flaws, whcih we aren’t blaming you for because there is no human who doesn’t have their own flaws. Now, how do you intend to get better with those aspects you aren’t great at, if you aren’t willing to open yourself up to vulnerability?
Like we earlier mentioned with trust (they are closely interwoven), I understand that the many experiences you have had or seen could be factors that determine if you choose to be vulnerable or not, but truly, you have to intentionally step out of your biases and allow some vulnerability at least with specific people. Anything different could mean you are self sabotaging and overthinking very basic and straightforward situations. The world isn’t out to get you, people aren’t just coming to your life to hurt you, there is no monster around the corner; please, relax.
A recent conversation with someone I know surrounded how they were reluctant to give a suitor a trial because they had been cut deep in the past and wouldn’t want a repeat of such. I aknowledged their feelings and asked them if they thought being avoidant forever would actually guarantee that they would never get hurt, to which they had no answer. They also accepted that they had to let their guards down at a point and not judge everybody who came on to them through the lenses of the past lover who did them wrong.
Romantic relationships aren’t the only relationships that require Vulnerability, so do platonic friendships. Some people take a lot of pride in saying that they have nobody they share their secrets or down moments with because they wouldn’t want anyone to use it against them. As much as this can be very meaningful when perused, I have a way to manage it and I’ll explain. If I believe in you as my friend and I choose to be open with you regarding my wins, struggles, ups and downs, I am doing it because I have a level of trust in you and I have decided to shatter the walls that could exist between us. Whatever you decide to do with that information even after I may have infiormed you to not disclose to anyone or refer to it, is not exactly on me.
Me telling you of how I once cried over some situation that I found myself in, or I went through a proper ‘na me fuck up’moment should not be a source of comedy or mockery to you in whatever setting, so if you decide to ridicule the belief I have in you by referring to it as a point scoring avenue when there is an issue, why should I be the one to feel bad about it? It’s on you, sweetherart, and I won’t carry the burden of blame for seeing a friendship worthy of vulnerability and going for it. A problem shared isn’t always half solved, but it does make the burden lighter, and this is one of the focus points of this post.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable, and you can make it a gradual process if you haven’t been that kind of person before now. Please don’t hold back on beautiful and unbarred relationships because you are scared of being cut. The shocker is that even if you weren’t vulnerable, you aren’t exactly exempt from hurt when it is bound to happen. Why not free yourself then? Why not? Life is truly more beautiful when we allow ourselves to trust, and be vulnerable with people around us, even if they are select few.
Today, I’d like us to calmly think through this post, and talk about a time you were vulnerable with someone and they kept your confidence without breaking it. You can also define what vulnerability means to you.
I’ll be back. OBA