Blog - November 9, 2022
Day 9: The November Happiness Challenge 2022
I think I need to add “in a relationship” to this topic, and this is because the direct definition of vulnerability means opening yourself to harm, as seen in wars and similar situations, and that is not what we are doing here. Lol.
Vulnerability in a relationship means being ready to bare it all without limits or without restraint. Being all in without minding the risks involved, while understanding that it could lead to a better connection and bonding with the other person. You aknowledge that allowing yourself to be known and understood fully means that the other person knows the best way to manage your imperfections and amplify your goodness.
I mean, yes you are a very wonderful being who has so many amazing qualities yet to be discovered, but so do you have your flaws, whcih we aren’t blaming you for because there is no human who doesn’t have their own flaws. Now, how do you intend to get better with those aspects you aren’t great at, if you aren’t willing to open yourself up to vulnerability?
Like we earlier mentioned with trust (they are closely interwoven), I understand that the many experiences you have had or seen could be factors that determine if you choose to be vulnerable or not, but truly, you have to intentionally step out of your biases and allow some vulnerability at least with specific people. Anything different could mean you are self sabotaging and overthinking very basic and straightforward situations. The world isn’t out to get you, people aren’t just coming to your life to hurt you, there is no monster around the corner; please, relax.
A recent conversation with someone I know surrounded how they were reluctant to give a suitor a trial because they had been cut deep in the past and wouldn’t want a repeat of such. I aknowledged their feelings and asked them if they thought being avoidant forever would actually guarantee that they would never get hurt, to which they had no answer. They also accepted that they had to let their guards down at a point and not judge everybody who came on to them through the lenses of the past lover who did them wrong.
Romantic relationships aren’t the only relationships that require Vulnerability, so do platonic friendships. Some people take a lot of pride in saying that they have nobody they share their secrets or down moments with because they wouldn’t want anyone to use it against them. As much as this can be very meaningful when perused, I have a way to manage it and I’ll explain. If I believe in you as my friend and I choose to be open with you regarding my wins, struggles, ups and downs, I am doing it because I have a level of trust in you and I have decided to shatter the walls that could exist between us. Whatever you decide to do with that information even after I may have infiormed you to not disclose to anyone or refer to it, is not exactly on me.
Me telling you of how I once cried over some situation that I found myself in, or I went through a proper ‘na me fuck up’moment should not be a source of comedy or mockery to you in whatever setting, so if you decide to ridicule the belief I have in you by referring to it as a point scoring avenue when there is an issue, why should I be the one to feel bad about it? It’s on you, sweetherart, and I won’t carry the burden of blame for seeing a friendship worthy of vulnerability and going for it. A problem shared isn’t always half solved, but it does make the burden lighter, and this is one of the focus points of this post.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable, and you can make it a gradual process if you haven’t been that kind of person before now. Please don’t hold back on beautiful and unbarred relationships because you are scared of being cut. The shocker is that even if you weren’t vulnerable, you aren’t exactly exempt from hurt when it is bound to happen. Why not free yourself then? Why not? Life is truly more beautiful when we allow ourselves to trust, and be vulnerable with people around us, even if they are select few.
Today, I’d like us to calmly think through this post, and talk about a time you were vulnerable with someone and they kept your confidence without breaking it. You can also define what vulnerability means to you.
I’ll be back. OBA
Beautiful piece, Tolani. Like you said, Life is more beautiful when we allow ourselves to trust and be vulnerable with the people we love (around us). When I first met my husband, I wasn’t really the type that’d open up about things. I liked my space. One of the first things he told me is that if our relationship would go any where, we had to be completely honest and vulnerable with each other. I struggled a bit until he told me about his porn issues on our first date. It was a big deal for me, though I didn’t rush to tell him everything I’d done in the past, but gradually, as I grew in love, I began to open up more. This has help us a great deal in the 7 years (In December 🤗) that we’ve been together. I’d say, vulnerability is a sign of love.
Other relationships, apart from the romantic relationship also need some level/degree of vulnerability. The key is choosing the people you’d be vulnerable with wisely. You can be vulnerable with a mentor at work about your inefficiency or trouble with a particular task or colleague. Best friends should be vulnerable with each other. Even siblings can be vulnerable with each other. I’m also learning to be vulnerable with my female friends 😊 they also have been vulnerable with me.
Thank you so much, Ife. Even sharing this with us means you are being vulnerable with us and I adore you for it. Thank you
One needs to be open in relationships because it makes it better to relate with your person and how to be the best person to u.
There are circumstances that pple use ur vulnerable moments to make a mockery of u but like u rightly said, its on them and it doesn’t stop one from enjoying from those that enjoys sharing ur moments with u
Oh yes, mama. We’d keep being our stratightforward selves still
This thing is hard sha. People are so badly behaved and are steadily showing others shege. I just watched Anikulapo last night. It’s 10:44am and betrayals in the movie are still paining me.
You are right , sis
All of these made me remember one of the darkest moments of my life during my ND and after my HND days, sigh! I had set back academic wise and it made me feel behind amongst my peers. Couldn’t tell my parents at home as they weren’t in good terms, All i could do was to tell my sister and one of my childhood friend who listened to me without judgemental. They profer one of the kindest solution to my ordeal, made me realize it’s not the end and I can still do better regardless of my slow progress. Thank you for sharing this, I would love to read more some other time as this is opened to sharing ones mind as well. Best regards! ❤️
Aww I am so glad that opening up brought about a solution. God bless your sister and friend.
Once again, this is very beautiful and insightful, thank you for blessing us with your writing
You are always swelcome, sister girl
I have always being vulnerable to my friends and family. It has helped me to be the best version of myself. I cam share issues that bother me to my loved ones and the words of encouragement I get or the help that comes afterwards is gratifying.
I have always being vulnerable to my friends and family. I can share issues that bother me to my loved ones and the words of encouragement I get or the help that comes afterwards is gratifying.
This! So gratifying
Nice piece you gave here. Vulnerability seems quite hard for me. I pray and hope to work on it
I hope it gets better for you, hun
Vulnerability can be a very beautiful thing that bonds people together and strengthen relationships. I try to practice it within reason, but access before diving in.
Having the absolute understanding that vulnerability don’t always mean weakness, will go a long way in helping to decide when and who to be vulnerable to or with. And knowing that we can’t always be that one man mopol who is always, always by one’s self.
As humans we can only hope and pray that our vulnerability at different points in time do not make us easy preys for misfortune.
I’ve not always been vulnerable. There was a time where I found to hard to share anything with anybody. Not that I didn’t love them as my friend or partner but it was just tough.
With time, i realized we have to have someone, even if it’s just a select few, to be vulnerable with.
Sharing things with my closest friends makes me feel way better.