Blog - November 2, 2022

Day 2:The November Happiness Challenge 2022

GROWTH

A while back, an acquaintance did something that I wasn’t happy about, and I believed that their action to me was deliberate. We weren’t close in any way but I knew them and they knew me too. I was annoyed for a while and I didn’t give any reaction to what they did, I just decided to watch it play out. After some time, I picked my phone and sent them a message, asking why they thought it okay to do what they did, and how hurt I felt. I also mentioned I would be really interested in knowing their perspective about the situation and I was willing to listen to them. They expressed surprise at my action, because they didn’t expect that I’d reach out to them. Then, they apologized for what they did and accepted that it was unnecessary. They also explained that they had made certain assumptions about me and this formed their opinion and subsequently, the remark they made. I listened to them and even though I needed time to process my acceptance of their apology, I was glad that I reached out and we spoke about it. You know why I said this story? I wasn’t like this some years back. The me of those days would zone out on whoever hurt me and decide to never speak to them again; I wouldn’t even give a chance at reconciliation because I would overthink the situation so much and convince myself that they deliberately hurt me to feel good about themselves. I am not that person anymore. I have grown! So many other situations have shown me that I have allowed the years to instill maturity in me and I am more intentional about sorting my feelings and letting things go. This signifies growth to me and I am very pleased with it. At a glance, Growth might not be visible. And this is exactly why we need to talk about it. Many people go through life thinking that they aren’t growing, because they have consciously or unconsciously laid out metrics to track growth, so if these metrics aren’t showing significanct difference, they don’t think that growth has happened to them. Your metrics and standards of growth are valid, and you are the one who understands the justifications for arriving at them. However, maybe, just maybe you are missing an important part. You could truly be growing daily without you realising it just because you are focused on the particular metrics you use for judging. Asides the obvious or non-obvious physical growth, you are most likely in a new city, or new organization working, or with new friends, or you have gotten better with old friendships, or you no longer get angry easily like you used to, or you just aren’t that person who keeps malice anymore. You now approach issues with more calm and peace is something you don’t joke with. You are more intentional about the activities you invest your time in, and you extend hands of kindness to people from time to time with or without prompt.
 A picture of me six years ago

Throw back picture. 2016.

Were you able to relate to some or all listed above? If not listed, are things coming to your mind that are in line with these examples? Congratulations, all of these are identifiers of and pointers to growth, and It doesn’t really matter if you can identify with every single one. You are growing, darling, stop being so hard on yourself. A very well-paying job, a banging body, fancy cars, beautiful houses, a healthy marriage and more are also pointers of growth of course, but these are not the only metrics you should focus on while measuring your growth. You should also acknowledge the things you currently do positively that you weren’t involved in before. Anything you do now that is for the purpose of betterment of self is seen as a growth metric and I truly want you to embrace them, please. According to Veli Ndaba, there are four key ingredients to growth that you need to embrace when entering a growth mindset:
  • Effort
  • Challenges
  • Mistakes
  • Feedback
Notice how none of these include being rigid with having metrics of measuring growth? Told ya! I’m not saying you should be too relaxed and not make efforts to attain growth through the lens of what matters to you of course, but please recognize other metrics too, and give yourself a pat on the back. Above all, remember to be kind to yourself, now and always.
A picture of me in 2022

Current Picture

Today, use all that have been said above to evaluate yourself and consciously recognize how well and how much you have grown, because trust me, you have truly grown. Embrace that growth and revel in it; You did that! I’ll be back. OBA

Comments (39)

  1. Uchenna

    November 2, 2022

    Embrace growth and revel in it📌💯 Thank you for being such an amazing writer!

    • November 2, 2022

      Thank you too, amazing woman

  2. Anu

    November 2, 2022

    I hardly get angry and have zero expectations from most people. My bestie relocated years ago and I found out months after on the street. We were in touch o, he just never mentioned. We’re still close friends. If I didn’t vex for him, I see no reason to be angry with other people. I just lowered my expectations, respect boundaries/privacy and reciprocate energy. However, I delete numbers of problematic people. If they need me, they can text me and I’ll help but we can’t be in each other’s faces to avoid vexing one another. If you do me strong thing, maa block e danu o.

    • November 2, 2022

      I really love your approach. And yes to deleting problematic people please!

  3. Busari Titilayo Tawa

    November 2, 2022

    So inspiring. We’re all growing. Alhamdulillah

  4. Caramel

    November 2, 2022

    It’s true that getting older comes with so many kinds of growth, even the ones that we do not notice, and I’m thankful for it. Thank you for the reminder, I will keep it in mind to always appreciate the small wins and forms of growth too.
    Love this piece.

    • November 2, 2022

      Oh yes, it does. Thank you so much for reading.

  5. Anike

    November 2, 2022

    What a lovely read. I will learn to appreciate my little wind in terms of growth going forward. Thank you for breaking it down and making us see that it’s all a process

    • November 3, 2022

      Yes yes yes, please aknowledge how far you have come and are going, it isn’t easy.

  6. Ibironke

    November 2, 2022

    I did something last night, I was vulnerable. Here I am reading this, reaffirming I did the right thing and I’m proud of myself. I truly have grown, cos God forbid Ibironke be vulnerable with a man❤️

    Thank you my woman. I love you❤️

    • November 3, 2022

      I love you right back, baby girl. I am proud of you for allowing vulnerability.

  7. Temitope

    November 2, 2022

    If there is anything I have achieved this here, it is growing and being intentional about my relationships. I am learning to choose my battles. I currently live in a shared compound and i mostly hate the behaviors of my neighbors, due to how upset they used to make me, I have decided to only relate with them through my husband or agent and ensure to never get upset by their behaviors, this is great because the me of before would have given it to them hot hot.

    Thank you Omotolani for blessing us with your writing. I totally enjoyed this piece

    • November 3, 2022

      I absolutely love the strategy you have deployed for managing them. It indeed brings more peace and I love it for you.

  8. Ope Shitta

    November 2, 2022

    A growth pointer for me, is seeing that I’ve learnt to choose my battles. Not everything deserves my energy or attention.

    Enjoyed reading this, kudos 👏🏾

    • November 3, 2022

      Oh yes! Choosing one’s battles is very key in the journey of growth. Weldone sis

  9. Rukayat

    November 2, 2022

    Thanks for this inspiring piece. I am thankful for my growth. Alhamdulilah I am not where I was last year and I know I am still moving forward. I celebrate 🎉 my little win.
    Much love ❤️ Momma.

    • November 3, 2022

      I celebrate your wins, darling. They aren’t little at all.

  10. Olatoun

    November 2, 2022

    Thank you for this powerful piece. I find that I am sometimes hard on myself due to having set rigid criteria for what my growth “should “ look like. I’m slowly learning that growth doesn’t have to be linear and there can be nuances in how we grow and expand.

    • November 3, 2022

      You have grown and are growing, my darling. Weldone.

  11. Badmus

    November 2, 2022

    Reading this left me reflecting on my relationship with my friends and associates, since I ventured into business. I hate losing money when it comes to business, especially when people seek out credit facility or a payment plan and default nor payback. It’s more about integrity for me, so it’s a line I don’t expect anyone to cross. Well, lately I have noticed I rather seek out to know why anyone will default rather then automatically form opinion as soon as they do. Helps a lot in dealing with money, most importantly how to treat money as just a means and not the end goal.

    • November 3, 2022

      Wow, that’s amazing! Money matters can be so frustrating and I’m glad you have found a way to navigate it.

  12. Olajumoke

    November 2, 2022

    Your physical growth is so beautiful to see, just as much as the intangible one😍. Evidently, I have grown, and continue to grow in all areas of my life. I find it both motivating and encouraging. The more I grow, the more room I see for some more growth…

    • November 3, 2022

      It is the beautiful aspect of it all, there is always room for more growth.

  13. Derin

    November 2, 2022

    Thank you so much for this piece Omotolani 💜

    • November 3, 2022

      You are welcome, my love

  14. Khaleesi

    November 3, 2022

    Beautiful Read…. I have grown past getting angry,the way I used too.. I have always set boundaries and Expect less from people… I used to feel I was on a spot, I have learnt not to rush and always trust the process… I am glad I’m taking it a step at a time now.. KosiPressure😂

    • November 3, 2022

      This is so good. You have indeed grown, darling

  15. ENIOLA

    November 3, 2022

    Day two! The challenge already promises to be even more insightful than the previous years.
    This is a good reminder to me to take a pause, look back and acknowledge my growth over the years. For one, I’d say I’ve become even more expressive than I used to be. The ability to put my peace above everything and everyone else are worth acknowledging.
    Thank you again OMOTOLANIEE.

    • November 3, 2022

      You are welcome, my beautiful friend. Thank you for always being so consistent.

  16. Ashiat A Lawal-Bolaji

    November 3, 2022

    hmmmm, I suspect you are a mind reader because I’m sure you read (past tense, lol) my mind before writing this piece. Growth is so under rated and you here people give reasons like “that’s just me”, an excuse i see as a missed opportunity for growth. I am happy i’ve grown, i manage my expectations and i try to put things in proper perspective. I rarely have issues with people now because i know no one is perfect and at worse, whatever they do is just a reflection of who they are and has nothing to do with you.

    • November 4, 2022

      This is so aptly described! Glad we have embraced growth and we can see it manifest in our daily doings.

  17. Ameenah

    November 4, 2022

    I have been so hard on myself this past few weeks. Thank you for reminding me of the little things that shows I am growing .

    • November 4, 2022

      Awwwn , please take it easy, darling.

  18. Ameenah

    November 4, 2022

    I have been so hard on myself this past few weeks. This reminder is just what I needed to reflect on the little wins. Thank you for this beautiful write up

  19. Kheffytee

    November 5, 2022

    No matter how minute it is, acknowledge u arent who you used to be. Continous effort is Effective in growth. Well done OBA

    • November 6, 2022

      Thank you so much, my soul sis

  20. Olaseni

    November 7, 2022

    This is a great reminder that growth doesn’t have to be linear. Thank you for writing this.

    • November 7, 2022

      You are always welcome

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