Blog - November 2, 2022
Day 2:The November Happiness Challenge 2022
A while back, an acquaintance did something that I wasn’t happy about, and I believed that their action to me was deliberate. We weren’t close in any way but I knew them and they knew me too. I was annoyed for a while and I didn’t give any reaction to what they did, I just decided to watch it play out. After some time, I picked my phone and sent them a message, asking why they thought it okay to do what they did, and how hurt I felt. I also mentioned I would be really interested in knowing their perspective about the situation and I was willing to listen to them.
They expressed surprise at my action, because they didn’t expect that I’d reach out to them. Then, they apologized for what they did and accepted that it was unnecessary. They also explained that they had made certain assumptions about me and this formed their opinion and subsequently, the remark they made. I listened to them and even though I needed time to process my acceptance of their apology, I was glad that I reached out and we spoke about it.
You know why I said this story? I wasn’t like this some years back. The me of those days would zone out on whoever hurt me and decide to never speak to them again; I wouldn’t even give a chance at reconciliation because I would overthink the situation so much and convince myself that they deliberately hurt me to feel good about themselves. I am not that person anymore. I have grown
! So many other situations have shown me that I have allowed the years to instill maturity in me and I am more intentional about sorting my feelings and letting things go. This signifies growth to me and I am very pleased with it.
At a glance, Growth might not be visible. And this is exactly why we need to talk about it. Many people go through life thinking that they aren’t growing, because they have consciously or unconsciously laid out metrics to track growth, so if these metrics aren’t showing significanct difference, they don’t think that growth has happened to them.
Your metrics and standards of growth are valid, and you are the one who understands the justifications for arriving at them. However, maybe, just maybe you are missing an important part. You could truly be growing daily without you realising it just because you are focused on the particular metrics you use for judging.
Asides the obvious or non-obvious physical growth, you are most likely in a new city, or new organization working, or with new friends, or you have gotten better with old friendships, or you no longer get angry easily like you used to, or you just aren’t that person who keeps malice anymore. You now approach issues with more calm and peace is something you don’t joke with. You are more intentional about the activities you invest your time in, and you extend hands of kindness to people from time to time with or without prompt.
Throw back picture. 2016.
Were you able to relate to some or all listed above? If not listed, are things coming to your mind that are in line with these examples? Congratulations, all of these are identifiers of and pointers to growth, and It doesn’t really matter if you can identify with every single one. You are growing, darling, stop being so hard on yourself.
A very well-paying job, a banging body, fancy cars, beautiful houses, a healthy marriage and more are also pointers of growth of course, but these are not the only metrics you should focus on while measuring your growth. You should also acknowledge the things you currently do positively that you weren’t involved in before. Anything you do now that is for the purpose of betterment of self is seen as a growth metric and I truly want you to embrace them, please.
According to Veli Ndaba, there are four key ingredients to growth that you need to embrace when entering a growth mindset:
Notice how none of these include being rigid with having metrics of measuring growth? Told ya! I’m not saying you should be too relaxed and not make efforts to attain growth through the lens of what matters to you of course, but please recognize other metrics too, and give yourself a pat on the back.
Above all, remember to be kind to yourself, now and always.
Today, use all that have been said above to evaluate yourself and consciously recognize how well and how much you have grown, because trust me, you have truly grown. Embrace that growth and revel in it; You did that!
I’ll be back. OBA