November 26, 2022

Confidence

Confidence

I have been in a situation where I was with a group of people in the same space and for the many days we spent together, I allowed myself to be bullied and talked down on. I’d cry at every thing and they’d leverage on this and speak unpleasantly to me. They made me feel so little and beneath that I began to think that I really wasn’t all that.15 years later, and I’m not that timid girl anymore. I’m still a work in progress, but I can boldly say that my confidence has been built, and it was built from scratch. I just gave  a background through the story about a time of my life when I had very little to no confidence to make us understand that confidence can be built. Mostly, it is built. It isn’t something you are born  with It isn’t  a question of how pretty you are. There are Pretty people with very low self esteem and no confidence. Not about wealth either, you could be rich and still very timidIf you have seen the Griot on Netflix, , you’d agree with me that confidence is everything, and it can be very well built. Case in point: Lateef Adedimeji who was very talented but couldn’t showcase it to the world because he lacked confidence, which then made it easy for his friend to claim his talent as his. You should watch it, if you haven’t.

I did a little research, and was able to find ways to improve your confidence , which I totally resonate with I’ll write these ways now, and they are from the NHS website 1 “Recognize what you’re good at . We’re all good at something, whether it’s cooking, singing, doing puzzles or being a friend. We also tend to enjoy doing the things we’re good at, which can help boost your mood.” You’d find yourself being confident at this particular thing and whenever you need to be public about it, it comes more easy 2. “Build positive relationships. If you find certain people tend to bring you down, try to spend less time with them, or tell them how you feel about their words or actions. Try to build relationships with people who are positive and who appreciate you.” This one is like they took it directly off my head! Please stay away from passively aggressive people. They’d always try to crumble any kind of confidence  you may have built 3. “Be kind to yourself. Being kind to yourself means being gentle to yourself at times when you feel like being self-critical. Think what you’d say to a friend in a similar situation. We often give far better advice to others than we do to ourselves” Please please don’t always talk yourself down or think low of yourself. You are okay. You are doing fine. There is nothing wrong with you 4. “Learn to be assertive. Being assertive is about respecting other people’s opinions and needs, and expecting the same from them. One trick is to look at other people who act assertively and copy what they do. It’s not about pretending you’re someone you’re not. It’s picking up hints and tips from people you admire and letting the real you come out.” This one is so key! You need to pass your needs across and make people respect your boundaries. This can be achieved if you also do same to others. Don’t let anyone run you over, please. 5. “Start saying “no” People with low self-esteem often feel they have to say yes to other people, even when they do not really want to. The risk is that you become overburdened, resentful, angry and depressed. For the most part, saying no does not upset relationships. It can be helpful to keep saying no, but in different ways, until they get the message” Being nice is okay, but learn to say no please. It doesn’t make you a bad person 6. “Give yourself a challenge. We all feel nervous or afraid to do things at times. But people with healthy self-esteem do not let these feelings stop them trying new things or taking on challenges. Set yourself a goal, such as joining an exercise class or going to a social occasion. Achieving your goals will help to increase your confidence”. Please do it afraid. What is the worse that could happen? Do it! It gets better every day and before you know it, you’ve stepped out of timidity. I did a tweet some days back , and it summarizes how I feel about this topic.

We live  in a world where if we aren’t careful and intentional, we’d get eaten up by the glamour and easy life that others seem to be living around us. It is important to build confidence, and it comes hand in hand with contentment. They support each other .

How confident are you? What steps have you taken to maintain your confidence? Does confidence come to you easily or you’ve had to build it?

I’ll be back. OBA