More than my happiness and peace, there are only a few things I hold so dear.
The whole of this year has been such a roller coaster for me. A long ride as such. Beginning the year, I had it all in check ( or so I thought). Career, friendship, relationship, finance, and I could only pray that Allah helps me maintain that.
After a very fulfilling fashion shopping one afternoon, I thought about being more productive with my love for fashion and the styling I enjoy so much, beyond spending, slaying and moving on. I always knew I wanted to influence modest fashion and help more women derive confidence and comfort in their style. I shared this wild thought with a few friends and just like that, the idea of Styled by Keema blog was birthed. *My circle is a blessing*
In about a week, my friend helped me acquire a site. I kick started resourcing, having photo shoots and then content creation. Shortly after, I got offers for collaborations and all and the feeling? I was made for this! Styled by Keema blog launched in February as a modest fashion go-to, and that was the first major that happened for the year. Could anything be better?
At that time, I was working as a bridal consultant and design assistant at a reputable fashion store and quite enjoyed my job. But somewhere along the line, I began to feel drained. So much that I always look forward to weekends five times as much as my enthusiasm for work. All these time, Styled by Keema was a worthy escape and I just hung in there, pushing.
Then came Ramadan, the real highlight. I feel like the last Ramadaan was the best for me so far. Allah and I had been so tight and I spent the nights and days at His mercy praying fervently about all that should be. I had this prayer note where I wrote all my requests and kept updated often. It contained the names of my friends as well. I was really in sync, yeah? Already, I had begun working on my Keemakuts collection for Eid ’l fitr, I was only left to do photo shoots and begin marketing and sales. Meanwhile, I’ve had my sister complain all the time about my spending habit, so for the first time, I decided to just take a bus for my shoot and get it done with.
*who knows that song about one chance?*
I got robbed on that bus and everything I had on was taken. It was the 7th day of Ramadan, I was fasting and I had just been carried ’landicapp. I couldn’t even reach to crew to let them know I won’t make it for the shoot. But it’s just my phone and little cash on me right? Not too bad, we move.
The next morning, I went straight to the closest bank to get cash and fix myself, get a phone, probably. Getting there, I learnt the account had been wiped off. What a wawuu. With the remainder of life left in me, I dragged myself to my three other banks, each bad news giving more heart break than the previous. *Kuku kill me. Each of the accounts was tapped into wiped off all funds. I can’t deny being so distraught and tbh, till date, I haven’t told anyone the real value of the money lost. I told a friend half the value and she was like ” but we all say we’re broke together naa”. Well boo, now for reals, I am.
After a few days of back and forth, my bestie (the sis) came around, and like magic, I got refueled quickly like nothing happened. I revisited my mood board, fixed up and rescheduled another shoot (non professional) cos no money. This time with a determination to sell out bigger than ever, again cos no money. At the same time, I was there keeping my chin up at the 9-5..
The shoot was a success and a particular outfit on the collection has been my best seller till date.
I reflected on the hundred to zero to a different kind of hundred dynamic that manifested in just a month span and felt even stronger in faith.
”..those who have trust in Him shall not be left desolate”
In June, somehow I had well lost all the nice things I started the year with and oh..werent they all a facade in the first place? Not deriving fulfilment at my job was reason enough, but coupling it with social issues that messes with my tiny streaks of happy is a whole deal breaker. Anyways, I had none of those nicies anymore and I felt like it was a good time to put aside whichever fear and harness the goal getter within me. What’s worse that could happen? So, I quit my job.
Steadily, I began ticking all the boxes I didn’t think I’d touch in the start of the year. It made me nostalgic about the chemistry knowledge of osmosis and entropy. The lesser the concentration, the more the mech. energy, innit? Tch. It wasn’t that cutsie, fam, I started struggling to cut down spending. I may have been so messed up, ’cause it became really hard for me to save up or be financially smart at all. All I could think of money is how many pairs of shoe it will earn me, If I don’t decide to leave it in the bank to get stolen.
My birthday was June. The reality of the swift changes dawned on me and oh, was I filled with anxiety. I spent the day in the house, I guess. *But, I do know the best friends, don’t I? I prayed a lot, a lot. I was burdened by anxiety, but in Allah’s presence, I made a few resolves that I swiftly acted by, that made me at ease with.
I reevaluated my values and tried to reflect on why the character that started the year is almost irreconcilable with the one mid year, for sure, its the much better one mid year. I have amazing people constantly pushing me to be better and oh, lucky for me, I met my mentor. A very impressive woman. Each session, a re awakening. We have the most honest and open conversations and I truly feel refueled each time.
See, I’m really not to be stopped. I’m a force, an achiever and that goes beyond words on the tongue. I constantly seek the better bigger picture and I don’t subscribe to freelance or purposeless ness, so to speak. I do know what I want and in sha Allah, I’d be there soon. *please don’t quote me on Twitter, I’m a big nuisance on that app.
July, August, was me redifining many things, going over decisions and trying to live my best life. I got a new job that isn’t bad at all. I get to infuse my skills and I’m being encouraged to do more and be more. ”In what you sow as your service to others, does your fruits lie”, yeah?
It doesn’t stop me from my personal growth. Presently, I’m working on a couple of projects that could turn out to be the life changer for me. *fingers crossed.
Btw, I got a virtual finance coach and I’m a lot better now. Generally, my quality of life have had an immense upgrade, to be honest. Wiunnn
All good being said, at the start of October, the perfectionist in me again began to ask the ”what are you doing” question again. ”what’s the purpose of this?” It questions every thing I’m involved in, every association, action, decision and I couldn’t ignore it completely. It was going to draw me back for a while and I was like you know what? I’m breathing, I’m living. For once, allow me breathe and enjoy the sail. I’m a grateful soul, alhamdulillah. I’m strong and I do have amazing catalysts around me. I can’t always have my shit together, many times, I falter and cower away, but what matters is that I’m defined in my vision and no, I’m not resting. What I am presently is content, not complacent and truly, when the cameras are off, I’m still that happy person.
Hey hun, if you’ve read this to this point, I’m Hikmah, a young happy girl with an infectious aura of positivity. I’m happy ’cause I’m certain Allah is fully into me, and I love to say that ”it isn’t about impressing anyone, its about impressing yourself enough to believe that you truly deserve the things you desire”.
I hope I don’t sound like em peoples
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