We really did not know we would get married last year, we had an unspoken agreement that we would have a 2018 wedding. In fact, when we hung out with a brother, Ayulah in August, he asked us when the wedding was happening and we confidently told him it would happen in 2018. When he posted it on Instagram, He gave us a hashtag and that’s how we got #The ZandWwedding. I started getting DMs from people asking why I did not inform them and I had to beg him to delete it. I knew his intentions were pure and sincere but I wasn’t ready for the explanations to give people. Look how he was indeed a prophet.
Before the proposal, We had met each other’s parents and consent had been properly sought. When we returned to Abuja, we started having talks of formalizing the union via an engagement and Nikkah. One thing was constant with both of us, we didn’t want a huge celebration . We just wanted to gather our close family and friends and do the necessary rites,, while looking fancy and taking the cutest pictures while at it (Oh this picture part is definitely my call). We also told ourselves that we would just tell the folks that we could have a bigger event in 2018, with a lot of time to plan. Our ultimate plan was that after the aqdu, we would just tell them not to worry about any big thing again. Lol, we thought we were smart.
The proposal came and I wrote about it here We spoke to our parents about this and we suggested December, we left the date for everyone to decide and reach a conclusion, then I sent the broadcast munched below to very few friends. Peep the date.
His parents then went to my house and with our approval, a date was decided : December 30. Please note that all of these happened in October so that meant we had about two months to plan the event. We had no bother because we believed it was a small gathering so we wouldn’t have to stress so much or be so bothered about expenses. The basic things we would need could be easily afforded so we believed we were fine. I contacted IsharsApparel ,told her I wanted a beautiful Abaya for my Nikkah and I picked a style on her page, edited the sleeve patterns , changed the neckline, and added some other features, we were good to go. Abaya was set for the Aqdu.
After this, My husband’s brother called him and said plans were underway to pick a fabric/cloth for the wedding and I heard him asking how, because he was confused. My mum also called and said they think we should just do everything at once instead of coming back to Ibadan for the main event which would mean we are travelling up and down. She went on about how the two parents were ready to just go all the way at once instead of dividing the events into parts. Oh wow! There goes our plan, we were roped into the middle and there was absolutely nothing we could do about it.
We let them know that we didn’t have extra money to lavish on a societal wedding and we could do well without it. They then asked us if we thought they were going to dump the expenses on us and why we were bothered about when they were not complaining. (Note that my mum had previously told me that she was broke o, where this was coming from, I did not know).
Then the search for halls began. There were two issues:
- The date was really close, and it was a date that already had lots of events as it was the last Saturday of the month
- The two families are huge, lots of people in the extended family and the folks didn’t want anyone’s ox gored. So it wasn’t a question of getting a hall alone, the hall also had to be massive
- In addition to the second point, folks wanted to prevent a situation where halls would be filled and people would be standing, or the hall would not accommodate extra chairs.
All these reasons were on ground and my mum felt we could just run it in the house since the compound is reasonably big and we could set up canopies in front of the house, just like we did for my sister. However, I knew that having a party at home mostly ends up with unpleasant occurrences like theft and unnecessary poke nosing so I opposed it vehemently. Then we brainstormed and my brother suggested two different gardens and we went for one. Our belief was that while using an open space, one could always get more chairs to accommodate people. Great idea, right?
Both parents agreed on this and my mum set out to find details of the space. She got the pricing of the space itself and how much we had to pay for canopies, tables and chairs. This was shared equally among our parents and it was sorted.As that had left our hands, we were then saddled with other responsibilities and the first thing we did was write a list of things we would be needing. It was no longer a parlour affair so an expansion had to happen. See how things turned around? Nigerian parents, we hail thee!
My husband, as everyone knows, is a really quiet and reserved person. If allowed, he really just wanted to seek his wife’s hand in marriage the right way and carry her away! It was obvious that the whole ‘huge’ wedding we were about to plan was not exactly his thing but we both convinced ourselves to let the folks have their way. After all, it was just a day and they had been looking forward to it for a long time. Especially with him being the first child of his family.
As I said earlier, we created a list and planned how to tick each of them off , without overwhelming ourselves. We knew that in as much as the parents were promising to fund a great part, we would still be doing a lot of spending. Maybe a lot more than we would envisage. We however promised each other not to go out of our ways and to make sure that our accounts weren’t drained. I mean, what happens after the wedding?
We had this list:
- Scarves, Gele, Veils,Caps
Please note that we didn’t get the complete list in a day and we kept adding to it as we remembered. I also can’t remember everything now but I’d put more as they come. We had the list and it full dawned on us that; No matter how hard we tried,this was going to be an expensive wedding, and it would cost a lot!
How did we end up winging it? I’d continue in the next post.
I’ll be back. OBA (Omotolani Busari Adeniran).