No no no no no!
I scream even though no words leave my mouth.
With tears falling rapidly from my eyes, I rapidly back away from the bloodied mess beside me till I hit the wall with my back, my bottoms screaming with pain.
I scream in my mind again refusing to believe what I’m seeing.
No. It can’t be Jaleel. Audhubillahi
Not my husband.
Breathe in; breathe out.
Who killed my husband?!!
I attempt to raise my hands to my head when I feel the solid mass caressing my right palm. I look down at it and it’s a knife glinting sharply in the morning sun and fresh tears assail me, sobs wracking through my body.
A sudden chill attacks me as I fling the knife.
‘Ooooooohhhh’ This time, my voice comes out of my mouth like a wrangled cat’s.
Jaleel was good people. He doesn’t deserve this. He didnt deserve me.
Even when he found out about my condition, he didn’t waver. He could have left me alone to my fate but he didn’t. We were just three weeks into our relationship. No one could have blamed him but he stayed. I have to turn myself in. That’s the best I can do for this good soul lying beside me. I feel my baby kick strongly inside of me and I bite down hard on the wave of nausea threatening. When I met your father, I was at my lowest. He was sweet and nice. He took proper care of me and even though I was just 21, granny approved of him. Many people took a look at us and just judged us. What could this guy be doing with her? He is too old for her! He is a cradle snatcher. He is a this. He is a that.
But what they don’t know is that he saved me.
I remember when I met him. I was a mess but he took me like that. I was a case. Like, literally. I had episodes where I’d just have these blackouts. They were more severe than the ones I have now and were autonomous of a cause. I lost so many friends and boyfriends because of it and I became depressed and it got worse. It was just a vicious cycle that I had no control on whatsoever till he came.
A tear drops from my eye. The first time I had it was at his place. We were playing soccer and the next thing I knew, he was over me, shaking me awake. He looked so concerned for me that I fell in love with him that day. Prior to that day, I never met anyone that would so care about anyone that he would be soaked in his own sweat. Prior to that day, I was just lonely and he filled the void.
It was the first time I had a sexual urge too. I wanted to screw his brains out. I wanted to cook for him. I wanted to make a home for him. It was that day I knew I wanted to be his wife. Luckily for me, granny was still in love. She agreed. We were wed the next month. Yes, I proposed to him but he just brought out the ring from where had been keeping it all the while. He said he was scared I would say no. I proposed but he had the ring. We were just perfect for each other.
We were perfect!
I make my way towards him, on all fours. Inch by inch. Blood has started caking the ground. For how long was I out for? Do I go to the station like this or do I change my cloth? What’s the prerequisite? I touch his cheek, where his beard had started greying and it feels so cold.
My Jaleel. My head starts pounding and fresh hot tears pour out. Why do I have the worst of things? I bawl as I drag him into my laps. “Jaleel!!! Please, wake up. Please! I want you back. God, please take the kid. I want my husband. Jaleel”
Just then, I see the sheet of paper lying harmlessly a few feet away and it comes rushing back.
An electric shock zings through every fibre of my being and I push him off my thighs immediately. I walk to the paper like I’m in a trance and pick it up, my heart beating rapidly in my chest.
It’s a silly old piece of paper. It shouldn’t mean so much but it does. It shouldn’t weigh a lot but it weighs.
Targets acquired. Alhaji Abeeb and Hadjia Hassanat Danjuma
Finish them off this night.
My hands shake as the bile I’ve been trying to tamper come up and splashes everywhere and I pee at the same time.
He always told me he had a dark past but I just couldn’t see past this person with a sunny disposition.
Well, I see it well enough now.