“Let me die, mum., I’m going to be fine over there…”
Bimpe Ali looked down at her daughter , in all her twenty one years of existence, sprawled on the bed , looking all sunken and ill, and wiped a lone tear.
She had consciously told herself many times that she had to stop with the tears, they were only making Ademide so frightened and worsening her pain. The pain that she was going through by the minute, the inexpiable one, the one she, or the numerous doctors that had been hovering over her for days, could do nothing to take away. The pain, she, Adebimpe, might have avoided many years ago.
Marrying Timeyin was very well planned out, she took her time before allowing any man into her life. It seemed like a very impossible thing for anyone in the world of today, to marry their first love or end up with the very first man they ever had a relationship with, but that was how it happened between herself and Timeyin. They took their time to become friends, fall in love and grow together in wedlock. Their love story was that which everybody wanted to have, it did not only look real and true, it was actually that way with no pretense.
Their three children came in closely after one another. First was Arisekola, the ever bubbly boy who was steadily growing into a handsome young man. Two years after, Ademide came with the most beautiful set of eyes ever. Everyone said she looked like Timeyin but Bimpe liked to tell herself the genes were from her.Adunola came a year after Ademide ,not deliberately but then she couldn’t have aborted the pregnancy when it came, could she?
Finding out Ademide was a sickle cell carrier came as a shock. How? Growing up, Bimpe’s mother had told her she was AA, so when Timeyin told her of his Genotype being AS when they met, there was no obvious problem with their intending union, after all, from what she had learnt, the perfect match for a person with the AS Genotype was AA. There was no reason to double check too, her mother couldn’t have lied, she felt.
After finding out what Ademide’s Genotype was, she had to check the other children’s and that was where she knew Adunola was a carrier too. Only Arisekola narrowly escaped by being AS. Apparently, what her mum said was not true, her Genotype was actually AS and she made the mistake of not checking to be doubly sure.
Then began the nightmare, the series of hospital visits, the midnight screams, caring for two children who intermittently or simultaneously had their crisis. One took it when the other was recovering or they both had it at the same time. No name could describe the nagging fear that came with each crisis, the fear of losing any or both of her beautiful girls. Timeyin had become a shadow of himself , he had had to cancel trips many times than one to tend to the children or stay with them at the hospital. The once very beautiful love story was waning and there was nothing they could do about it.
Ademide wanted to die. She just wanted to leave… forever!
It wasn’t just about the physical pain (of course that was a whole lot), but the psychological pain she had to go through ever since she had known what pain felt like. Her family were very kind and showed her all the love any normal child would want. but no, she wasn’t normal, she was far from normal and she wanted only one thing. To leave!
Her decision to leave forever was made when she realized she had started to detest her parents . They didn’t deserve her hate , looking at how well they cared for her and didn’t let her lack any material thing. The only thing they made her lack was Peace. She didn’t have any peace, all she knew was pain. Hence, it was no wonder she found the hate for them slowly creeping in. It grew in depth whenever she thought about the fact that it could have been avoided,this pain she was feeling, that is.
Why did she have to be the one to suffer for their recklessness? why did it have to be her? Her friends could swim, she could only watch because she had been warned to avoid activities like that. She could not even attend night classes in school without catching a cold or its likes. no, She was not a normal child. She just wasn’t.
Her mother said she understood her pain. Said she knew how she felt, but HOW? She wasn’t the one who carried the cells, she wasn’t the one who always felt like the odd person out of a group of healthy children. She wasn’t the one who started every day with the fear of having a crisis before the end of the day. She wasn’t the one who had to wish death on herself whenever the pain started. The one who wanted to leave forever and never come back, at least not to her parents who made her go through this.
She hated them. Hated them so much. And she just wanted to die!
Each lost in her own thoughts, one enjoying the little moment when the pain went away, they both started to drift to sleep, until the sound of Bimpe’s phone jolted them back.
“Hello mummy” Arisekola sounded so frightened on the other end
“What is wrong”?
“It’s Adun. Adunola. Mummy she has stopped breathing ”
Bimpe stared blank into space and fell into unconsciousness.
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