June 12, 2015

Dusts cobwebs

Hello darlings. How are you and How is waka? ( Lol I just fell in love with this slang, it explains everything everyone does, the means to different ends). I came across this story on a sister’s instagram page (@aj0ke)  yesterday and I knew I had to share it. I got across to her and requested her permission to publish which she gave instantly. Do read and let me know your opinions.


Everybody feels sorry for the main chick, the woman who is being cheated on, no one ever feels sorry for the woman that is being cheated with, the sidechick, cos it’s assumed that she’s fine with the situation of things just cos she knew about ‘her’ before she started dating ‘him’.

Hi, I’m Simisola and this is my story.

I met Bayo at a store. He came to see the manager, his friend, I came to introduce my business. I’m a 28 year old, dare I say, successful entrepreneur and I meet clients everywhere. My shop is the one single important thing in my life. It’s the only thing that makes me happy. I’ve dated men and failed, I’ve been cheated on, beaten, and gone through embarrassing moments all in the name of ‘finding the one’. I made a decision a long time ago that I didn’t need men anymore, I just wanna be successful, until…

Bayo heard me talking to the manager and said he really likes my spirit and likes the fact that I’m not trying to get a job like everyone else, clients can come from anywhere so I ignore his cockiness and kept smiling. Then he started gisting with me and I discovered he was actually nice to talk to, I subconsciously checked his left hand, no ring… then I think ‘no, what are you doing? We don’t care if he’s single, no more men’, then as if in response to my thoughts, an attendant came and said ‘oga, you didn’t come with your girlfriend today?’ And he replied, ‘no, she busy taking care of some things’. My heart sank a little, couldn’t a girl hope?. We continued our discussion and I assumed it was all business. It really was business though, maybe not the kind of business I thought.

He started calling frequently, even telling me when he’s going on a date with ‘her’. Then he started visiting often, dropping by the shop after work (even though it’s not on his way), taking me out to see a movie, hanging out with his friends…

One day, we were hanging out as usual, I saw him staring at me and was like what? He said I should dance with him, that is not the first time we danced, but this atmosphere was different, a slow song was playing… I didn’t want to feel awkward so I stood up and we danced, my heart kept jumping and I thought for the first time ‘how I wish he was mine’. Maybe if I had rephrased the wish to ‘how I wish he was only mine’, God would have made it different. Seconds after, he turned my head and kissed me, explosions came off in my head, fireworks and all that shebang, it felt like I had never been kissed before in my entire life. I thought ‘Simisola, he’s never gonna leave his girlfriend for you…’ but this feels so good.

The journey home was a very quiet one, very unusual. We got to my house and he parked his car and said ‘Simisola, I have grown to be very fond of you, I always look forward to seeing you, you are always in my thoughts, I might be starting to fall in love with you, I only wish I had met you before…’ and I said, ‘well, you didn’t and I can’t date a guy that has a girlfriend ever, I’ve been in the shoes of the girl being cheated on, I know what it feels like, I could never be responsible for making another girl feel that way’. He smiled and told me everything would be OK. We said our goodbyes, I could hardly sleep that night then a message came in at 2am from Bayo saying he couldn’t sleep either… that was how it started.

I started looking forward to the end of the day when I would see him, spend time with him… it was the absolute best feeling in the world, maybe not absolute because anytime I remember he’s going home to ‘her’, my heart sinks and I think ‘what are you doing?’.

Unfortunately, she had a course to take outside the country so she had to travel for 6 months.

From the day she left, we never spent a night apart, we were always together, always. He pampers me… and I actually believe that he loved me.

I was friends with all his friends and some of them would actually tell me, ‘I am rooting for you, I like you for my friend’ lol, guys right?

Just like that, 6 months was up, ‘she’ was back and the world started turning upside down.

First, there was no more seeing every day, it now became a once a week thing. When I complain, he tells me how terribly busy he’s been at work, I ask him what he’s doing now that he wasn’t doing before, then he said I’m turning into a nagging girlfriend! Oh shit! I never ever ever wanna be called that, so I shut up.

He claimed he doesn’t like BBM so only chats on WhatsApp, fine by me, until I was with him one day and saw him chatting with ‘her’ on BBM, I was like ‘oh!you have BBM now?’ He said he had to download it for a job, he’s going to delete it soon so he’s not really adding people on there. For the first time, I felt like a sidechick, the thief, the one responsible for the misery of another woman… he left a while after and I could think of nothing more, I insulted myself, talked sense to myself and decided I was gonna break it off.

Our next meeting was the next week so I was eager for that day, on the day, he called and said ‘she’ is taking him out on a surprise date so he wouldn’t be able to make it that week again, my heart sank deeper but I was happy that I now felt more need to break it off. I waited patiently.

On the ‘D’ day, I had already made up my mind, practised my speech in my head and decided on how stern I would act… if only I knew….

Lover boy came in with a dozen roses and many more, I didn’t care, today was the day. He gave me a hug, looked into my eyes and said ‘Simisola mi, I’m so sorry about last week, I tried getting out of it but it wasn’t just possible, I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I missed you so much. I love you’, I felt the strenght in me waver and in a voice way softer than I planned, way way softer, I said ‘I want to break up’ he smiled and kissed me…

It went on for 2 years, with me breaking up every month or so… I had someone yet felt so lonely most times. I couldn’t just pick up the phone and call my boyfriend at any time, I couldn’t see him whenever I wanted, hanging out was limited to some places and some circles of people. He couldn’t take a picture with me, or of me on his phone, gobe! ‘Her’ things are strewn all over his house, ‘she’ has half of his wardrobe…

I was in love with the man, I felt horrible for ‘her’ but I hated ‘her’ too, she had him.

One day, he called me and said he wanted to take me for a weekend cruise(this was not the first weekend we would hang out). It was the most fun filled weekend I ever had.

Instagram on Tuesday, one of his friends uploaded a picture of him proposing to ‘her’… yes, I knew it wasn’t going anywhere but I cried my heart out, I blamed myself for going into it in the first place…

He called, wanted to check up on me, he hopes I’m good. Yeah, I am. You are just like every ex now…

2 months after, introduction. 6 months, wedding and he actually sent me an invite. I didn’t go.


I still think about him, and I’m not really sure, till date, why or how I could go into that kind of relationship. Apart from the few stolen moments, it was hell.

And yet, some sidechicks become the main chick, how do they do that?


Hmnnmnm what do you guys think? Drop your comments. I’ll be back. BOS

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  • Reply Missy June 12, 2015 at 10:33 am

    Sigh the side chic position. So nasty have been there and have done that and the funniest part the not so nice ones make you fall in love with them be4 you find out there is a main chic *then they bring the *am confused I dunno who to choose phase* to keep you a while longer, and you start developing self esteem issues even as a fine gurl… lol. It’s nasty, very nasty and takes strenght the and determination to walk away knowing deeply he already choosed and darling its not you and even if it’s you, he wont stop with you. It happens in different manipulative ways. Its not always the guys that are to blame sometimes even the ladies but at the end of the day someone leaves with a shattered heart.

    • Reply omotolaniee June 12, 2015 at 10:44 am

      Hmnn Missy,
      I remember us discussing this about a year ago. Too many ladies find themselves in situations like this irrespective of how beautiful or awesome they think they are. It only takes the grace of God to walk away especially if deep feelings are involved. (Which is how it is in most cases)

  • Reply Jazmine June 12, 2015 at 10:57 am

    Deep sigh

    • Reply omotolaniee June 12, 2015 at 11:05 am

      Really deep sigh o my sister

  • Reply Harlymart June 12, 2015 at 11:25 am

    Hmmmmm…so speechless…i dnt really blame both of them…but simi shuldnt av put all her emotions into it wen she knew dat dere is a main bae somewhr….its painful tho!but she jus had to let go…..ur man will locate u soon😘

  • Reply Molola June 12, 2015 at 11:30 am

    I actually she’d a tear or two reading this cos I know exactly how she must feel. Oh well. I’m short of words.

    • Reply omotolaniee June 12, 2015 at 12:02 pm

      Baby baby dun cry. lol. It’s sad mehn

  • Reply Onyinye June 12, 2015 at 11:31 am

    This is complete stupidity madam side chick you saw the hand writing on d wall u kept hoping to be the main chick. U couldn’t gather sense and courage hoping he wil leave her for u. Shame. I feel no pity for u. Smfh.

    • Reply omotolaniee June 12, 2015 at 12:04 pm

      Havent we all made some not so wise decisions in our lives? I believe this could have happened to anyone sha.

  • Reply moji June 12, 2015 at 11:34 am

    Hmmmmm, i’ve bn there, mine was a bit diff tho. He was a perfect pretender,never knew there was a ‘she’ stupid well yes.

    • Reply omotolaniee June 12, 2015 at 12:06 pm

      Wow. yes different experiences with varying degrees.Kolorun shaanu

  • Reply Eniwealth June 12, 2015 at 12:01 pm

    Wooahwu! Despite the fact that she knew I do not feel the urge to judge her.
    Haven’t we all been so indecisive at some points in our lives. I just hope she didn’t get carried away in the euphoria of lovinus* while it lasted such that her first love suffered.
    I pray the one for her finds her soon.
    Well done Omo.T

    • Reply omotolaniee June 12, 2015 at 12:08 pm

      Thank you Eniola. May our subsequent decisions be guided by the Almighty

  • Reply 1nuola June 12, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    @Omotolani, this is soo sad! Pls,we shouldn’t crucify the lady! We find love in hopeless places sometimes. Don’t worry simi, all will be well.

    • Reply omotolaniee June 12, 2015 at 12:20 pm

      Yes Wonu. Exactly how it is. Thanks for stopping by Bae

  • Reply mercurialpinky June 12, 2015 at 12:44 pm

    Omo mehn! This is one helluva story! I was going to say oh similar to mine, but this had pass similar o lol! I feel for her, I understand her and so sad for her. Anyway reality would always set in no matter how long you prolong it,for similar it came rather too late, she is lucky she didn’t get pregnant tho , looking on a brighter side

    • Reply omotolaniee June 12, 2015 at 1:04 pm

      Jolade you know! The pregnancy one woulda been worse, still read something similar on Twitter days ago. Ko funny rara

  • Reply ifeoluwa June 12, 2015 at 2:24 pm

    Hmm, my advice to ladies, let us never be comfortable with d sidechick position. Never go into “it” wen u know there is someone else. Even if its going to fail let it not b because of you. “BTW guys like dat can like to b d very cute ones mtcheee…”. Whateva is urs will surely not pass you by.

  • Reply kweensheedah June 12, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    Reblogged this on sheedahsmusings.

  • Reply kweensheedah June 12, 2015 at 3:31 pm

    It is well.

  • Reply Seun olofin June 12, 2015 at 3:33 pm

    Hmmmmm this is really deep.. How do you know if you are the side chick or The main chick? Is it even right to ask a boy if you are his side chick or main chick?

    • Reply omotolaniee June 15, 2015 at 7:26 am

      Lol even if You ask him, there isnt a high chance He would admit you are the side chic tho some of them actually let the babes know. Lord have mercy

  • Reply Tomide Alo June 12, 2015 at 6:13 pm

    My opinion is this; it’s not impossible for a guy to go for another lady despiste the fact that he has one already. It’s possible he has found an attribute in her that he likes. For Simi, it’s just the fact that she is enterprising and maybe outspoken…
    But it’s left for the lady to decide who she wants to be, Samsung or Chinko. Lolz

    Nice piece Omotolani, I hope it’s fiction.

    • Reply omotolaniee June 15, 2015 at 7:28 am

      Lol Tomide, Yes I guess It is

  • Reply MM June 12, 2015 at 6:29 pm

    May Allah guide us right

  • Reply Sa'eedah June 12, 2015 at 8:45 pm

    BEEN THERE DONE THAT SHIII Note the uppercase lol…..why do U think I haven’t posted this kind of story….

    • Reply omotolaniee June 15, 2015 at 7:29 am

      Baby post it jor. You know We love reading from you

  • Reply Arafy June 12, 2015 at 10:34 pm

    Wooow, so sad.. Hrd a gist like dat bck in schl buh a lil diff tho’ dis one found out shez a sidechick on d guy’s wedding day,,, All d same.. Ladies dat fall in2 it shldn’t b judged… We re weaker wen it comes 2 emotions…. Nyc one Tolani *kiss kiss*

    • Reply omotolaniee June 15, 2015 at 7:30 am

      Thank you sis. So many stories here and there. hmnnn

  • Reply rene June 12, 2015 at 10:57 pm

    Well all these comments are from a girl’s Perspective. I have always hoped Ladies would show same level of intelligence they use in schools and business world in their “Heart World” but the reverse has always been the case. Y’all fall for wrong reasons and hope it ends up right! For 6months u launched a “TakeOver mission” and u didn’t succeed at becoming a Main Chick then u continued a Side Chick for 2years!…is there some missing pieces? …c’moooon! She wanna tell me no other guy came knocking at her door for real thing at all? ……she was smart enough to establish her own business &not look for job like every other graduate but her intelligence deserted her in Love issue! The truth is as long as u get involved wf guys for all wrong reasons and “scenarios”, MY HEART WILL GO ON shall be the soundtrack& wallpaper of y’all hearts . Dude didn’t even hide it from her that he got sth serious going on and she still jumped in! And y’all gonna be all up on TV, social media screaming gender equality, ThinkLikeAMan sh**! Hell no! Men don’t think this way!
    Bro meets a girl in a serious relationship in a mall and she has a ring on her finger, Bro’s state of mind is this;
    “see I know u got a serious Boo but yeah we could still kick it” straight up! NSA!
    But a sister meets a Dude wf/wfout a ring on his finger bt telling her he got sth serious going on and sister state of mind is ;
    “hmmm he got a girl but ama *uck him to make him mine”

    WTF is the THINKLIKEMAN thing now?
    Shit! @omotolaniee hope Her stupidity hasn’t made me sound like a misogynist? *drops mic*

    • Reply omotolaniee June 15, 2015 at 7:31 am

      hahaahahah Errrrm you sound mysogynistic looto but lemee unlook. lol. Thanks for stopping by.

  • Reply Yune June 13, 2015 at 12:11 am

    First of..don’t eva agree to being a plan B or side chick,it’s just really ‘degrading’ no matter aw much u think u lov him..make cool cash n live happy!

    • Reply omotolaniee June 15, 2015 at 7:32 am

      Totally degrading o. Lol I love that make cool cash part. Thanks Yune

  • Reply Anon noni June 13, 2015 at 10:45 pm

    I was almost in this situation once. Falling for a guy with a girlfriend, knowing fully well that you can’t have all of him. Thankfully,It didn’t take me long to realize that I deserved better. Bottomline is, any guy that wants to make you a side chick is a useless man, and doesn’t deserve you at all. Now I look back at the whole shit and ask myself what the hell was I thinking and how could I have fallen for him.
    P:s The guy is bad wording ugly too- You know who this is Tolani :p

    • Reply omotolaniee June 15, 2015 at 7:34 am

      LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL Yes I surely know who this is. The ugly part got me. smh

  • Reply Baraqat Haroun June 14, 2015 at 12:57 am

    I understand that feeling, I have bin dia before.
    The point is we all ain’t perfect, it can happen to anybody no matter how pretty or smart u think u are
    ki Olohun maje ki a gbe egun elegun!

    • Reply omotolaniee June 15, 2015 at 7:35 am

      Aaaaaamin. Big and deep prayer on the last line. Thanks sis

  • Reply moyosore June 14, 2015 at 7:09 am

    Speechless . Kiolorun ma so wa

  • Reply Zaynab June 15, 2015 at 7:40 am

    As soon as she got to know there was a “her”, she shouldn’t have gone into it tho…but ladies and ” emotions “…. We really need to start having a control of it…..in my opinion, the guy just used her and I’m sure he would have badmouthed ” her” when him and “her” had issues if there was any….may God continue to guide us

  • Reply thebeautifulnothings June 15, 2015 at 2:45 pm

    Lovely piece, I hope you got something to say about side boyfriends (if that’s what they call them) someday too

  • Reply abbas June 18, 2015 at 7:20 am

    Seems more like female discussion here.. Lol. But then she ran into the trouble all by herself. “If you must ‘beg’ to get something,you’ll have to ‘beg’ to sustain it” obviously prolonging the doomsday.

  • Reply Muhsinat 'Deen June 27, 2015 at 2:26 pm

    Reblogged this on With Love from Ola.

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