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Its yours, love it

February 13, 2015

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I was with some kids a while ago and through their conversation, I could decipher that two of them were very unhappy with their body sizes. They were bigger than the other kids in their playgroup. This caused them so much unhappiness as the other kids found every opportunity to tease them about it. One could barely contain her anger and she came to report her friends to me. I went all out for her and called them to order (hopefully). Hopefully because I knew that it could have been just temporary peace for her, as I would not always be there to ‘fight’ on her behalf.

This takes me to the topic for today. Why do people get bullied/bully people because of size? Fat, thin, big, skinny, plus sized, minus sized, thick, fleshless and all other names that human beings have tagged themselves over time? Why does a person’s physique have to be the basis for every judgement anyone would have about them? Why do some set of people draw out a design for how it is expected to look as a woman or man? Who sets these rules and why are these rules allowed to flourish?

These questions go through my mind from time to time and I haven’t found any satisfactory answer to them. From research, I have realized that there are different reasons for people to look how they look. The most important and unavoidable one being the genetic makeup. What a person consumes is also said to be very responsible for how big or small they would be but I beg to differ from this opinion as I eat a lot and I’m nowhere near the big side. So I’d rather go with the former reason, genetic make up.

So, this is the drill, if a person looks the way they do because their mum or dad or some grandmother probably looked like that, how is it their fault? Why should they be hounded about it? I go on social media to see different jokes being made out of so called ‘fat girls’ or girls ‘who have no flesh’ and I can never get to relate with that level of reasoning. I know It’s mostly jokes and people only feel they are being comic about this but many a times, people get hurt in the process and they take this banter to heart, why then should it not be stopped?

I have had to face so many people who find it amusing to pass ugly remarks about how they think I’m skinny or how I should eat up and grow ‘some flesh’. Sometimes, this is taken in good faith while at other times I just want to shove a stick up their noses to draw it away from my business. Like, why should my ‘skinniness’ be your problem? Did you ever pause to ask if I love it? Do you ever think that’s just how I am and there is little/ nothing I can do to change that?.

The above is very little compared to what some people face about ‘being fat’ as they are tagged. So many people even get ashamed to face the. World because they feel they are too fat. A friend once confided in me that she feels she has no spouse yet because she is too big and I spent a long time lecturing her on how she had to love her self wholly first before getting someone to love her. Do not quote me wrong, I’m not saying you can’t go through some diet or processes to reduce your weight if you want it so bad, but I do not support you thinking so low of yourself because the society tags you ‘fat’. Look at your body, love every bit of it, Only you can be that, Only you is that. Put on so much confidence and happiness just flows in by default. Whether skinny, fat, or whatever other name physiques are tagged, you are beautiful in your own very unique way. Wrap that statement inside a piece of paper, grind it well and swallow with water. ( lol jokes).

There is also the question of height. Short people are tagged ‘evil’ and some people blatantly declare that they would never be with anybody who isn’t tall. This level of discrimination is getting out of hands and it gives an uncomfortable feeling. It’s all jokes until someone actually loses out on an important person/job/activity because of his/her height or because the person has hounded others about it before. Everyone is allowed to have their specs as to who they want to roll with or who they want to befriend, but others that don’t fall under this category should not be disturbed just because!

Have you ever been bullied because of how big or small you are? What was your response? Do you ever wish to change your size? Why? Do you bully people? Why? Let’s discuss. BOS

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43 Comments

  • Reply rantty February 13, 2015 at 3:17 pm

    Nice writeup dear. We were wonderfully and perfectly made. We should just appreciate the way God created us. Being skinny or fat doesn’t determine our success in life. Love yourself the way you are. It is well.

    • Reply omotolaniee February 15, 2015 at 6:19 am

      Thanks Ranti dear. Yh, that’s what I’m preaching

  • Reply sulee February 13, 2015 at 3:34 pm

    When people try to tell me, oh! Sully you v added weight and stuff. I come out to them like, am not complainin, why are you?.
    Most of the time when people come up on hw big or. Small a person is, they tend to come out in a very rude way. In all #self love is key.

    • Reply omotolaniee February 15, 2015 at 6:19 am

      Yes dear. Self love is key.

    • Reply omotolaniee February 15, 2015 at 6:22 am

      Yes dear. Many people don’t want to appreciate others the way they are. It is hideous

  • Reply SlimDandy February 13, 2015 at 3:36 pm

    Loooool…I actually do share your thoughts….I always advice people who feel they are less human just because “society” deems them fat or too skinny e.t.c to think more of themselves. I believe in loving yourself fully before you expect someone to love you…..brilliant writing as always 😘😘 :*

    • Reply omotolaniee February 15, 2015 at 6:24 am

      Thank you Dan. Yes, I share your belief. Wish others could too

  • Reply Aderibigbe yisahu ajibola busari February 13, 2015 at 3:37 pm

    its no more a news that most of us have suffered from this unnecessary stigma. the ugly truth is that no mata how u try to please people u can never stop displeasing ursef. in as much as u are happy the way u are then thats fine. the best way to live a long life is not to act on everything people says about u. wen u make people know that u are complacent with the way u are then they wnt av reasons to complain about ur height,size and ur complexion.

  • Reply Aderibigbe yisahu ajibola busari February 13, 2015 at 3:42 pm

    its no more a news that most of us have suffered from this unnecessary stigma. the ugly truth is that no mata how u try to please people u can never stop displeasing ursef. in as much as u are happy the way u are then thats fine. the best way to live a long life is not to act on everything people says about u. wen u make people know that u are complacent with the way u are then they wnt av reasons to complain about ur height,size and ur complexion and even if they do that’s their business. its good to live ur life and not peoples life

    • Reply omotolaniee February 15, 2015 at 6:26 am

      Yes bro. Sound it! Thank you

  • Reply Missy February 13, 2015 at 3:51 pm

    Most people do it unconsciously, comments like “fatty, u eat too much, fat ass” and slowly kids like that get very self conscious. I was a fat wen I was a kid and till today I still rem the nasty comments dah was supposedly a joke that my aunty’s tease me with. I hated my body it took me a long time be4 I got my self esteem back. A lot of aduItdo this to their kids, friends e.t.c they have no idea wah it does to the receiver. People needs to stop being nasty or rather insensitive. Omotolani kudos for this one. U always know how to write about what matters.

    • Reply omotolaniee February 15, 2015 at 6:31 am

      Wow! Just look at that. Imagine if you didn’t re orientate yourself and love your self fully, would have been disastrous. Thanks for stopping by hun, I look forward to your comments always.

  • Reply mercurialpinky February 13, 2015 at 3:52 pm

    I’m ssize zero and I love it,dosent bother me what anybody has to say about it! I just watch d models on FTV and I smile oh Jola u av such a model like stature, but then I’m a naturalista(Non relaxed hair) and the comment ppl pass sometimes ehen πŸ™ o tun ti shey irun weyrey(you have done mad man hair again) some times I care less other times it gets to me . People should be more sensitive! Mind what you say to others. But still on still its yours u just gotta luv it and feel comfortable with it. Nice piece tolaniee

    • Reply omotolaniee February 15, 2015 at 6:32 am

      Jolade, we together on this size zero shii! LOL. What else do we do but love ourselves and flaunt our skinniness about? .. Lool @irun were. Sooooo funny. When did being a naturalist become a crime?

  • Reply Dolzgidi February 13, 2015 at 4:01 pm

    Thats just so unfair of our society….I can relate,people always hv something to say whenever am adding or losing weight.tf main thing is being comfortable in one’s skin. Nobody’s opinion matter. 9ce writeup hun.

    • Reply omotolaniee February 15, 2015 at 6:34 am

      My oyinbo pepper, abi o. The society we live in would have a say on any size you are. Thanks for dropping by

  • Reply Captmuyizo February 13, 2015 at 4:16 pm

    I’m of the train of thought that quotes, “If you’re Fatter than me you’re too Fat, If you’re slimmer than me you’re too Slim, If you’re Taller than me you’re too Tall and If you’re Shorter than me you’re too Short.” The rationale behind that is to be comfortable in one’s own skin. Bullies would always be Bullies. Beautiful write-up dear

    • Reply omotolaniee February 15, 2015 at 6:40 am

      I like this your own train of thought o, Muyiwa. . Prepares you for any kind of bully. Lol. Thank you dear

  • Reply theonlyfbk February 13, 2015 at 5:11 pm

    Nice write up I must say. Society defines a lot for us and we do follow these societal set rules.
    People should never be abused or made fun of based on how they look.
    Also want to point out that it’s necessary for an overweight person to make effort and shed some weight… not because of society but precisely for the person’s health.
    Overweight and obesity are not good on medical grounds purely but they should never be made fun of.
    once again. Nice write up

    • Reply omotolaniee February 15, 2015 at 6:42 am

      Thank you Dr.Kene. Yes I agree on that latter part, I heard the same. Thanks for stopping by

  • Reply Oladimeji February 13, 2015 at 5:12 pm

    This is a deep insight on how some people actually feel. I feel this generally should not be allowed to continue because on the long run could lead to serious emotional damage or even suicide and could also lead to loose of a very rare opportunity you could get from someone. This is a good job, More wisdom and grace to you.

    • Reply omotolaniee February 15, 2015 at 6:45 am

      Thank you Oladimeji. Yes. I hope people understand

  • Reply Tunmise February 13, 2015 at 5:16 pm

    Like u r so on point dear and I think this is common among Nigerians.u get to receive compliments like”hey,you’v added weight o!wat are u eating? better hit the gym ASAP”and am always like,OMGosh not again.well I think the most important thing is having high self esteem,if you’v got that,then no probs.need I say the write up is wonderful?more ink to ur pen darlπŸ˜—πŸ˜—πŸ˜—

  • Reply Bunmi February 13, 2015 at 6:05 pm

    I remember someone once offered me a piece of advice, “You should check the children’s section for your proper size”. That was after I told a salesperson I was tired of having to fill my shoes and we had tried all the “proper” shoes I could use with none being the right size. Society and tradition, most times, gives an idea of perfection which is not, in any way, perfect. I dare say I’m from a line of small-boned but witty, beautiful, intelligent and highly blessed women and I have had a share of the bad, foul smelling mouth some people have on their faces. People ask if you fast all the time and then tell you you are too small for your age. These same ill-concerned folks also see another person “bigger” than you and they ask if she eats all the time. I might sound like I’ve vexed but it’s because I know those who refer to your size most times never have your betterment at heart. They only want you to feel like perfection has deserted you and you don’t qualify to be happy, except you change and become what they want. I love me, you should do the same too. Love yourself without considering the opinions of others. People will say different things but only you can help you, only you can be you, only you can have you without seeing short, tiny, fat, big or any other description but you. Way to go, Omotolani! πŸ‘πŸ‘ŠπŸ‘πŸ’‹

    • Reply omotolaniee February 15, 2015 at 6:47 am

      Bunmi! You are one of the cutest beings I’ve come across. I like that you aren’t allowing anyone to tell you otherwise. Witty too. Thanks for stopping by boo

  • Reply thebeautifulnothings February 13, 2015 at 6:34 pm

    Personally I think people shouldn’t have to go through bullying and sorts cos of their physique, people need to understand that no matter what you look like, there’s someone that would always be crazy about you and love your the way you are.

    • Reply omotolaniee February 15, 2015 at 7:08 am

      Yes Oyesunkanmi. I pray people get to understand this more

  • Reply Qudus February 13, 2015 at 6:38 pm

    Loool. That section of height though… I’m tired of these people reminding me of my height. Like “nigga you’re short” bla bla bla.. They really need to be more sensitive. Nice write up. ✌️

    • Reply omotolaniee February 16, 2015 at 6:33 pm

      Thank you Quddus. You are awesome the way you are

  • Reply Ciana-Joy February 13, 2015 at 7:11 pm

    Wow! I love this becuase am also one of the victims of this abuse and bullies. I am the type with a very small stature and i get alot of bullies about that mostly from my friends Then, i used to feel bad about it and it almost affected my self esteem to the point that i was regreting ma birth. But when i started growing into a matured person, i learn to accept and fell in love with the way i am and i often time boast about my stature and i gave myself a nickname ‘Da’ Portable Ciana Joy’. I got used to the bullies that it doesnt affect me in any way at all and when they discovered i wasnt bordered about it anymore they started withdrawing their bullies. So if there is anyone here who happens to be a victim of such, i would advise that you should learn to accept and love the way you are first cuz that is the only way no one’s comment will mean anything to you and you will never fee inferior to them. Nice write up sis. Tolani..more grace to your elbow

    • Reply omotolaniee February 16, 2015 at 6:34 pm

      Thank you my love. Yes, exactly.

  • Reply MrJayCouture February 13, 2015 at 7:20 pm

    Ohh! Well, nice write up, beautiful comments.

    I seem to be victim of this; I’m not as tall, about 5’6″”, then, also skinny, so, on some occasions, I get comments like “you are so small, just like our last born”, “see who’s talking, i’ll just lift you with one finger”, but then, I doubt if I’ve ever for once in my mind asked God why I’m that way, ’cause I’m so cool with it, and even at times make few people envy my stature when I put some things into display ;). If we become so comfortable in our own skins, no matter what size or height, turn deaf ears to bad comments ‘thrown’ at us, act like we never heard ’em, and then go about our normal lives , these people won’t ever continue. It is when we allow their comments to get to us that they begin to deprive pleasure in it, and want to always continue.

    However, it won’t be bad if the plus sizes work on themselves and lose some weight, provided they also do not want to remain ‘fat’. But if otherwise, please turn deaf ears to criticism and/or taunts, enjoy your plus size and remain ‘everly’ happy.

    *in Bruno Mars’ voice* “..you are amazing, just the way you are”.

    Once again, beautiful write-up OmoTolani.

    • Reply MrJayCouture February 13, 2015 at 7:22 pm

      *…derive pleasure…

    • Reply omotolaniee February 16, 2015 at 6:38 pm

      Lol don’t mind them. Iwo fine boy. Lol. Yh, ur latter comment is in sync with what Dr.Kene said too. I concur. Thanks Jay

  • Reply Sa'eedah Imam February 14, 2015 at 6:52 am

    *sings into blog* “Am skinny and I know it! Can bet them Tolani and Jola go still collect change in flesh frm my bony self (all jokes lol) I am of the genetic make up! Let them lock me in a food store I won’t add an ounce. It has never for once raised my brows nor gotten me any bit close down. I accept it all in loud humour that I am skinny and I even yabb skinny fellows. And as for them fat peeps, only few ppl like us see the usually pretty face untop of the bulk body.So what? Body size or appearance should be least of one’s worry if ur truly made by God when no be man! *good news* (whispers)” they said am getting chubby” #SeriousShoki (I jst came to mess on here) bye!

    • Reply omotolaniee February 16, 2015 at 6:39 pm

      Loooool Saeedah my fellow skinny bae. Buhahahah. Yesso. Thank you for stopping by

  • Reply Baraqat Haroun February 14, 2015 at 7:17 pm

    Nice writeup boo!..
    Would share dis with pple aswell.
    I have a frnd dat feels bad anytym we go shopping together.Cos pple often say “I think it doesn’t fit you cos you are big” nd she ends up having moodswings..I’m like WTF if you dont love yourself the way you are first,who will…When you love yourself very much,u r automatically beautiful nd people will love you too…Who cares abt pple sef? *Rubs powder*

    • Reply Olaitan February 15, 2015 at 11:57 pm

      Lol! Really, we get so carried away with figures n all we see on social media..esp females.. Some pple shrink weneva they see girls that av bigger boobs,the hour glass body,the Tyra banks height etc,feel their life isn’t grand like Miss ‘A’ on Instagram n get intimidated…we shud all grow thick skins to negative comments abt our bodies and social media falses n feel comfortable in our real self n be thankful for all we have pray for a blessed n good life.
      I watched a show (bank of Hollywood) where pple come with their various life problems n request for celebs to help them some yrs bak,a young lady came,requested for money to undergo an operation that wl enhance her body(can’t remember that exact thing ) Melody Thornton (pussycat doll member) on the show chuckled , stood n walked up to her,said babe, there was a point in my life where I used to bother n cry over my small boobs,tot of getting breast implant cos I felt inferior among the ‘grand girls’ but now I’m so engrossed in my busy schedules n all god has blessed me with that I forget abt my boobs.
      People will wag their tongues,mock ur figure/size/height n what av u,u just gotta grow a thick skin n feel comfortable in ur self,love ur self 😍
      However yu gotta live n eat healthily,no be say u go dey chop pounded yam n d likes for 10pm lol,avoid processed foods,soda,consume more vegetables and fruits,it helps maintain an alluring body..

    • Reply omotolaniee February 16, 2015 at 6:41 pm

      Thanks Olaitan. People need plenty re orientation. It’s sad

  • Reply eniwelth79@gmail.com February 16, 2015 at 1:36 pm

    I don’t criticize people judging by their weight. But sometimes when I see an obese person, I mean as obese as waddling who is likely to have health issues as a result of too much fat. I cringe.

  • Reply omotolaniee February 16, 2015 at 6:45 pm

    Loool smh. But u’d better let it end at ‘cringing’. Lol

  • Reply okwubi onyanta. February 18, 2015 at 9:03 pm

    This is a really nice write up. I love your perspective about these things. You’re so right. I can’t seem to imagine how traumatized some people’ll feel after constantly been labelled fat or too skinny. I think everyone should love his or her body. ‘Cause if you dunt love it, there’s no way anyone else will. Xoxo

  • Reply moyosore March 5, 2015 at 6:45 am

    yes o . self love is d key. Beautiful write up, thanks sis

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